my birth tree

coming back

2011-08-07T09:07:00.000-07:00

After a break from work to be with my family, I am coming back to teach in Comox in the fall. It has and continues to be an interesting journey, choosing to be home instead of working, I'll share more on that later. But for now, if you are looking to be part of a wonderful group of people that are preparing for the birth of their babies, I have two classes coming up. These are the dates:

September 16, 17 and 18
and
November 4, 5 and 6th.

I am having troubles with my website, so the dates are not up there yet. If you would like to register, there is still room in both classes. Please contact me for more information.

And as for being home with my family, I am still here but I am really looking forward to coming back to share in this time with you.

Happy Summer!

breathing in the time of trees

2011-05-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I posted here. A lot has been happening. And a lot has been changing. I have been working in the birth community for 7 years now and this past January, I started to hit my wall. I have two children, 3 and 7 and while they are not babies, they still need me most moments in every day. When I am not busy with them, I am busy with our home, our garden, our kitchen (I revel in the pleasure of cooking and more so, eating), and time for myself? Hmmm, not sure where that happens. Oh and I have a husband who I would prefer didn't turn into a room mate which means he needs love too. Trying to do all of this and care for my business, my clients, is well, a little tricky.

I have been struggling with this for some time now, actually since my daughter was born. I had a moment a couple of weeks ago when I wanted to go back to 2007 and give myself a hug, a good, honest loving hug. I was trying to do too much, be too much, prove too much. I couldn't keep all those balls in the air. Sometimes I would drop the business ball, sometimes the dinner ball, lots of times the mothering ball. And my own ball? I'm not sure it was really in there most of the time.

So, in February after a transformative weekend painting with Annie, I came home, clear as a sunny day, that it was time to put my work on hold for a while and give my attention to the job I already had. It's not been an easy decision, nor a light one, but it is a good one. Being home with my family, spending my days, for the first time since my son was a baby, being at home, being a mother, enjoying food, creating our garden, feeling more like a whole woman again (sometimes I still feel scattered), is the best thing that I could have done for myself and my family.

Now, before you start emailing me with the virtues of the working mother, this decision of mine is not a comment on stay at home mothers vs. working outside the house mothers. It is not a judgment at all. In fact I think most women can pull of home, family and work way better than I can. This is just what I need to do for my own sanity right now. And no, I am not considering changing my name to June, Clever that is, nor do I own a string of pearls (yet). Caring for my home, the kitchen garden, enjoying beautiful food and a dinner table surrounded by the day's chatter is what feeds my soul right now.

I'm sure I'll come back to work, when exactly, I don't know. My littlest one is going to be 4 this year and the time with my children feels as though it is slipping through my fingers. I want to be awake for every moment of it, even the rotten ones. Because as I look back on myself when she was just a baby and I spent so much time getting this business to where it is, I missed so much that I will never, ever, get back. I'm not going to make that mistake twice.

So, if you are looking for prenatal classes, I am still offering private sessions, you are welcome to contact me if that is up your alley. Art classes are always available for those who want to explore their hearts through a creative process. Just let me know and I will open the space for you.

There will be a time for me to embrace this work on a larger level again, everything happens in seasons. But for now, I am simplifying my life, enjoying the gift of creating my home, being with my children and trying to breathe in the time of trees.

P.S.

CBC reported this past week that if a stay at home mother earned what she was worth, she would be making $126,593 a year. What we do is work and clearly, we are gravely underpaid : )

good, honest, chocolate love

2011-02-23T09:51:00.000-08:00

Well, I never did take a picture of that cake, we ate it too fast. Then this past weekend I made another one, and again, eaten too fast. How's that for an endorsement for this cake? Seriously, everything in this cookbook is this good. Last night we had Saki Salmon and Edemame on the side. Heaven.

If you want to make this cake, which you absolutely should, click here for the recipe.

Photo Credit: Nigella.com

in love am I

2011-02-06T15:10:00.000-08:00

So Valentines is just around the corner, but this post has nothing to do with the love I have for my husband, nor my family, at least not directly. The love that I feel so deeply, so passionately, so enthusiastically has everything to do with this cookbook (and it's writer, but not in a weird way-I promise : )

After a night of hitting my culinary rock bottom with a recipie from The not-so-Joy of cooking, salmon croquettes, to be exact, I had literally thrown in the tea towel. I don't know about you, but coming up with interesting, yummy, easy to make suppers each night can feel like a chore worse than scrubbing toilets with a tooth brush. And after my Salmon croquettes became one giant pile of dogs breakfast in the fry pan I thought that would be the end of me.

And then I found her...Nigella, unadulterated home cook, mother and lover of all things delicious and easy in the Kitchen. So I ordered it straightaway and I haven't been able to stop myself from cooking out of this book. As I speak a flourless chocolate lime cake is cooling on my counter that I am taking to a party tonight. Ymmmmmmm!

So why tell you about this? To put myself on some Uber-Mother pedestal, to make you feel poorly about buying food at M&M's or to make myself feel more superior? No my friend, none of the above. I tell you about this because I'm sure if you are reading this you are either already a mother or about to become one. Nothing makes us feel worse than bad food and even worse, feeling too overwhelmed to make good food. This ladies, is the answer to your prayers. The food is easy, delicious, different, nutritious and down right, feel-good food. Sure there are a few odd things like Tamarind paste and Nigella seeds (yes, really), but it is a bit like a culinary adventure that is forgiving. Can't find Tamarind paste? It's ok, you can leave it out, or you can order from here.

Now I know the zealous home cook cooking out of her favorite recipe book is not a new idea (We all loved Julie and Julia). But what I am going to do here is nothing of the sort. I'm not going to cook aspic (yuck!) or write about every recipe I make (well, maybe). What I want to do is share with you how much you can fall in love with your kitchen again, cooking again and I dare say, eating again. I'll take a picture of my cake later and in the meantime, please check out this book, it is no ordinary cookbook. Oh and the love for my family, yes, I share it with them every night over a very yummy supper. My son has actually started asking "can we have Nigella food tonight?" And my answer, "Absolutely!"

please listen

2011-01-13T10:50:00.000-08:00

Listening is a skill that I think for many people is going the way of the Dodo bird, kind of like customer service (more on that another time). We are so busy with our own lives, thoughts and opinions that many people have lost the ability to really listen to one another. Haven't you ever been with someone, sharing what is going on in your life only to have them interrupt you with their own thoughts before you can even finish your own? How can we truly hear what the other has to say if we are already formulating our response while they are talking?

Ok, what does this have to do with birth and children? Everything. Listening is THE most important thing you can bring to pregnancy, birth and mothering next to your intuition. When we listen to our bodies, we know how to move in labour. When we listen to our hearts, we know what we truly need. When we listen to our babies and children (just because they are 6 doesn't mean that they don't need to be listened to as well), then we can really hear what they are trying to tell us. We have such a tendency to run to experts, books, courses, some other place to tell us what to do. How can we look for creative solutions if we do not first take the time to listen to what the problem is in the first place?

Our bodies and children are telling us things all the time. Our bodies and children want to been seen for who they are, for what they want to say, for what their experience is. When we ignore the messages or place our own ideas in place of theirs, they just get louder and louder until we finally listen to what they are saying. This often manifests in illness, tantruming children, labours when women feel unheard or relationships where we don't feel seen. We need to take the time to stop, to be still, to really hear what is being said. We need to acknowledge what the other, or ourselves is feeling and respond with love and gentleness.

Your body wants to be heard, your child wants to be heard, your partner wants to be heard, heck, we all want to be heard. So please, stop, and listen. It is such an amazing gift to give others and to yourself.

Thank you friend for your inspiration to write this post.

children deserve beauty

2010-12-14T09:51:00.000-08:00

Christmas is less than two weeks away and I realize every year that tis' the season for plastic junk. We North Americans are addicted to plastic in our throwaway world and immerse our children in it. It is everywhere, but no where more prevalent than in toys. We have somehow come to believe as a culture that children are not worth giving good quality, beautiful things to. We buy them the cheapest of everything thinking "they are just kids, they are going to wreck it anyway." I have a different belief.

Children, like the rest of us not only appreciate beautiful things, they crave them. They can see the beauty in the smallest of things, a leaf falling from a tree, a bird on a branch, the way the light shines through watermelon on a sunny day. Their little souls seek out the beauty and mystery of life all around them. Beauty also tells them that the world is a good, safe place, a message they need so much when they are little. So why wouldn't we bring beauty in a conscious way into our homes to continue to nurture that impulse in them?

I was at Superstore last night and was overwhelmed by the plastic, crappy toys spilling over the isles. I know that most of that stuff will have a play life of about a week. Then the kids will get bored of it, pieces will be lost and mum fed up with stepping on little plastic pieces will throw it away. It's not beautiful, it doesn't feel good in the hand and it is not meant to last.

We talk so much about living green and reducing our consumption, but when it comes to children, we somehow think that not longer applies. So here is my thought. When we create beautiful spaces for our children and give them things that not only look good, but also feel good in the hands, they learn to appreciate and care for what they have. There is a soul connection to what they see and hold and the idea that we could just throw it away is no longer a possibility.

Now, I know that the natural toy business has exploded in the past few years and most of the things that are for sale can be really expensive. Somehow the idea of quality not quantity has gotten lost even in this well intentioned world. But it is up to us as parents to choose carefully what we give our children. Do we fill the tree with whatever it takes to make it look full? Or do we give a little less, but in actuality more because it is something truly lovely that doesn't need a bunch of other stuff around it?

Beauty doesn't need to cost much. A candle on the supper table, branches from outside on a nature table or homemade toys, all bring the qualities into the home that children love so much. My 6 year old son and I made this window star together last night. The pack of paper that we barely made a dent in only cost $5.95. We spent time together, created something really beautiful and when we were done, he said, "Let's save this for next year." This is the whole point. Create something to last, make it beautiful and subtly you teach them to cherish the world around them. Beauty speaks to their souls as it does to ours.

So this Christmas consider what you are buying for your children. Ask yourself, "Is this beautiful? Would I want to look at it or hold it? Is it destined for the landfill or will it stand the test of time?" All children deserve all the beauty that this world holds. Less really is more for them.

we all need a little love

2010-10-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

I am not super mom. I have tried, believe me. Laundry, dishes, house, kids, work, meals, groceries, doctor's appointments, husband, garden, banking, nature time, book time, playtime....really, no me time. I am good at doing one or two things really well. 20 things, hmmm, not so much. But I try as best as I can each day because I love this little family of mine. I cook them beautiful suppers each night because I love the time we spend together at the end of the day eating a meal together. I make sure they have clean laundry in their drawers because I want them to know someone cares enough to make sure they don't have to wear their underwear inside out because there is nothing left that is clean. Everything I do here is out of love.

But sometimes I need some love too. My family is wonderful at saying thank you, for bringing me the occasional bunch of flowers, maybe if I'm lucky a small masterpiece of crayon imagery from my littles. For all of this, I am always grateful. But sometimes, I want someone to take care of me a little, the way I take care of others. Sometimes, I wish I had a wife.

This weekend my dreams came true. Friday our car was in the shop, I was spending the day getting ready for a party I was hosting the next day and taking care of the kids since there was a pro-d day. To say I was overwhelmed would be a grand understatement. And then it happened, the dryer smelled like fire. Immediately I rushed to turn it off and throw the breakers. With two loads of sopping wet laundry staring me in the face, I wanted to crawl into a hole.

And then the laundry fairy came. She took my laundry on Saturday, dried it, folded it, put it back in the basket and brought it to me with a magazine she knew I would love tucked in between the towels. This is a different kind of love then poetry and chocolates. This is the love that only another mother can understand, the kind of love that we all need a dose of once in a while. The kind of love that feels like someone cares about those little corners of your heart that only a domestically exhausted women could truly appreciate. Thank you friend.

We all need a little love sometimes, especially in the laundry pile.

Ruby Mamas

2010-09-29T10:34:00.001-07:00

The Ruby Slipper Studio is finished and open! Classes start tonight and I couldn't be more excited. This was such a process and it took a village to complete. Nancy who painted the room, Andy who donated tools and his time to help Stefan put in the floor, Doug who did the drywall, Waterglass Studios who refurbished my original 1920's light fixture, Dave who did the finishing, Stefan who built my easels and Laurel who has been behind me the whole way.

So, now that I have my very own space, I am inspired to offer something I have been wanting to do for a long, long time. I am going to offer an art class for pregnant mamas....Ruby Mamas.

We spend so much time filling up our heads with information when we are venturing into the unknown world of birth and mothering, filling up our baskets hoping we will be prepared for the unknown. What we don't do is prepare our hearts and internal wisdom that we all possess. Information isn't what will help a woman when she is trying to cope with contractions nor is it what will support her when she is trying to figure out why her baby won't stop crying. It is her intuition every single time. That is what will be her survival skill in this journey ahead.

So on Monday October 18th, I am offering a one night workshop for those beautiful pregnant mamas in my community. You need bring nothing but yourself, an open heart and some comfy clothes. I will provide the space, art supplies and a wonderfully supportive environment where you can connect with your own creative resources, your baby and other mamas in the Cowichan Valley. You don't need to be an artist, this class is not about an outcome, it is all about the Process, just like labour. Dorothy had the answers within her the whole time as she journeyed to Oz, just as you do. Come and discover how wise you are and create art from the heart. The fee is only $25.00 and the experience will be priceless. You are most welcome here.

For more information or to register please contact Catherine at: 250-597-2770 or catherine@beautifulbirth.ca

learing to be still

2010-08-19T14:35:00.000-07:00

I wrote about this a few months back. I thought that I had been doing it. Not so much. Still in some ways, constantly moving in others. The result? A continuous state of overwhelm, burn out and some days coloured blue. Why? Because in my ever moving mind, there is something that always needs to be done. And because there is something that always needs doing, I am always reminded that I can't keep up. Painting, laundry, birthday projects, cleaning, cooking, shopping, advertising, gardening, exercise.... oh the list goes on and on.

It wasn't until I spoke to my divinely wise friend who said "maybe you don't need to do those things right now, maybe you just need to be still" Hmmm, I thought, maybe I do. But how? And what would come out of it? More things that I am just getting behind on because I decided not to do them right now? No, not at all.

Our conversation continued on the vein of listening. I mean really listening. To ourselves, our bodies, our own wisdom, to our partners, friends and children. All of those facets are trying to send us a message, but how can we hear it if we can't be still enough to listen?

Then it came to me. We are all searching for an answer of some sort. Some questions are deep and meaningful, others more practical. We are all waiting to receive yet how can we if we can't first listen? And how can we listen if we can't first be still? Hmmm, very Zen of me I know. Sound as obvious as the sky is blue? Sure it does. Can you do it? Ahh, the deeper question, it's not as easy as it looks. I wanted to write this post as soon as I had this epiphany, but I forced myself not to, just to practice being still and allowing the idea to fully develop.

So the laundry, it's coming. The birthday project is on hold, the groceries got done today, but no one starved, the cleaning? I'm working on it. I feel more grounded, more able to listen and maybe one step closer to peace.

come on over...

2010-08-03T14:12:00.000-07:00

There are exciting things underway for this mama. The Ruby Slipper Project is going to have a permanent home this fall. A new studio is underway and I couldn't be more excited. I have also started a new blog and invite you to come on over. Want to come to a class? There is a space for you. Do you think you are not an artist? Yes you are, you are creating every single day. The creative impulse is in all of us. This is a safe, fun, open place free of judgement and expectation. I'll even make you a cup of tea.

a new way

2010-07-27T09:47:00.000-07:00

I have been teaching Birthing From Within classes for 5 years now. They are fun, informative, unique and honour all aspects of birth and parenting preparation. While I love this work and find it so rewarding there is one aspect about it that I love the most. That is the birth art. When most people hear the word "art" they can get a bit freaked out. So many of us hold stories about our ability or inabiltiy to create and can't understand why facing that fear has anything to do with birth preparation. The reality is that birth preparation is all about facing fears, discovering your own strength and experiencing moving through it. That being said, I often don't do as much art in my classes as I would like, somehow defaulting back to the information aspect that I don't really believe is as important as an exercise in self-discovery. I am always trying to strike a balance and let my own fears go.

I have a very dear friend and colleague however who has developed a whole new way of approaching birth preparation. She calls it the pregnancy circle and I think it is genius. She brings her background in counselling, mothering, Buddhist mediation and childbirth education and marries it into an on going class that I believe truly has the ability to change how we look at birth preparation and women as a whole.

Her classes begin when you are 3 months pregnant and continue up until birth. Each week women engage in soulful, meaningful discussion, meditation and art. Stages of labour and when to go to the hospital are left to someone else to teach. What she is doing here is truly preparing women in their own bodies and hearts for the journey they are about to embark on. If you live in California in the Ventura, Ojai, Santa Barbara or surrounding areas, I would HIGHLY recommend that you check out her class. You will experience something you won't get anywhere else and have the privilege of working with one of the most gifted women I know.

You can find out more about The Pregnancy Circle here.

3

2010-07-12T15:27:00.000-07:00

Well, my littlest one is now 3. It was a lovely day, tea party, party dresses, a fairy and of course cupcakes. She also potty trained last week in one day. That's my girl. She takes her time with EVERYTHING, but when she's ready, it's like she's been doing it forever. It's official, I am out of the baby stage. Moving on....although I'm not sure I'm ready. Happy Birthday little one!

everyday adventures

2010-06-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

Well, the summer is here and I couldn't be happier. I realized that it has been a long time since I last posted and I suspect that my blogging may slack over the summer. These two are my full time job right now, there is no school and no daycare for either, so it's all me.

So what will we do? Camping in Tofino, soccer camp for a week and lots of everyday adventures. We went to the beach yesterday and looked for moon jellies, we've been spending time in the woods and today we went to the local consignment store and found an old Fisher Price record player (it is almost 40 years old) and my kids think it is the bomb. Tomorrow we're going to another beach to look for sand dollars and the day after that, well, we'll see. It feels good to let go of the routine of school, even if that means taking them both to the way too small grocery store so that my daughter can knock over a box of pop and have it spray all over the floor and her mother just after she started opening chocolates. I really think it is a conspiracy that grocery stores put all of these things in the reach of little ones just to drive the mothers crazy.

What will you do this summer?

the most asked question....

2010-05-28T18:01:00.000-07:00

Whether I teach prenatal classes or I have been walking about the world with a new baby, the question I always get asked is either "Is she sleeping through the night?" or "when will she sleep through the night?"

I'm sure I've said this before, but because it is so important, I'll say it again. Babies don't know, neither do they care that it is 2010. For all they know it could be 340 BC. Their needs are basic and they have not changed. They want to be close to their mother or father, they want to be breastfed, they want to be comforted and they are not developmentally equipped to sleep through the night. Because of all of these factors, it is not only normal for them to wake frequently, it is essential to their health and survival.

What has changed is not the needs or behaviors of babies, it is our needs as adults. Most of us no longer live in a tribal culture where we have aunties, sisters, mothers and friends to help us when we have a child. Heck, most of us don't even live in the same city as our families. Not only are we responsible for caring for the child, the home, the cooking, the cleaning, the banking, the car repairs... the list goes on, many of us are also returning to work. It is no wonder that sleep deprivation and naps during the day are not conducive to this lifestyle.

I had a very brave mum call me a couple of weeks ago who was at her wits end. Her baby slept well for the first 3 months and then it all changed. Now her baby was waking every hour and a half and making her crazy. My daughter did the same thing and I used to say that it was like being in Gitmo. That's what they do to torture their prisoners, let them fall asleep and then wake them up. I used to physically hurt from the sleep deprivation. So this mum feeling like she was going to loose it, was also torn about what to do an not a little desperate. She didn't want to let her baby cry it out, which I applauded, but full Continuum Concept wasn't working for her either.

This is one of the biggest lessons in the parenting journey. First, learning to be gentle with yourself and ask for help. Second, find something that works for you and that feels right for your baby. There are so many books out there on how to be a good parent, because there is no one right way. Some will tell you how to be BabyWise (actually not so wise, babies have died) or that The Baby Whisperer will solve all your problems or that you can have The Happiest Baby on the Block. These author's don't understand infant neuroscience. They just want you to buy their book. You had to listen to your instinct in labour to birth your baby, the same goes for being a parent. It can be helpful to know that you are not alone, it can also be helpful to know that just as it has changed, your baby's sleep pattern will change again, and then again.

There is no right answer, no quick fix, there are some good books , but at the end of the day you can remind yourself, this is just a moment in time and it will pass. My daughter sleeps through the night now ( except for the last few nights when she has been crawling into our bed at 4 in the morning), in her own bed, in her own room. I never thought I would see the day, but I did and so will you. Now, go take a nap with your baby.

You got time to lean...

2010-05-18T13:02:00.000-07:00

I came home Sunday night from a really amazing weekend of teaching. This group was open, brave, full of laughter and even taught me a thing or two. It was one of those really special groups that you wish you could have every time.

Then on Monday morning I woke up sick, really sick. I haven't been that sick since I was pregnant with my daughter 3 years ago. I spent the day either clinging to the couch or the toilet, not good times. As I crawled upstairs to bed at dinner time I started thinking about all I have been trying to keep together over the past few weeks. It's not uncommon for me to get sick, just as it is all over, as though my body has given me permission to fall apart.

It's a reminder that I really need to let myself slow down on a regular basis so that I don't fall apart all at once. I was speaking with a very wise woman yesterday who suggested that I start taking some time during the day to sit outside and drink a cup of tea. Sounds simple doesn't it? I came up with lots of excuses why I couldn't. Then she reminded me why I needed to do it. I realized that for many years now I have been living into that old saying "You got time to lean? You got time to clean" It's not that I don't ever have a minute to myself, it's that I don't use that minute for myself.

So today instead of cleaning the kitchen, I took my beat up body back to bed to read a book while my daughter watched a show (horror of horrors!). Well, actually she loved it and so did I. So if you have a minute today, I recommend that you don't use that time to clean, use it for yourself. If you don't you might end up like me. Your body so tired of running that it gets sick so badly that you have no other choice to stop.

You are worth the gift of a cup of tea. Go put the kettle on....

quantity vs. quality

2010-05-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

My summer wardrobe is seriously lacking. This is not a time of year that I tend to invest in and halfway through the season I always regret it. T-shirts with spit up stains, shorts with paint stains, dresses that don't fit anymore (even though I keep hoping they will), it's a bit of a motley crew, that wardrobe of mine. This is the first year in 4 years that I have not been pregnant or nursing and I feel that it is time to put myself back together again.

So my mom, God bless her, sent me a bit of money to go and buy myself some nice things for the summer. And then here came the conundrum....do I take that money and go and buy myself 6 or 7 things at a discount store or do I take that money and purchase a 2 or 3 really nice, good quality pieces? It is the eternal question of quality vs. quantity. So yesterday I perused the stores, looking for sales and places I could spend my money. There were some cute things that would be fine for the season, but one close look and I knew that's all they would make it through. By September they would either be donation material or headed into the landfill. There is nothing that bugs me more right now than things that are designed to last for a short period of time so that we will go and buy more, it just isn't right.

So today I went to my most favourite store in the world (I really do mean that) It is called Lil' Sweet Nancy's and they have two locations in Victoria BC. What makes this place so special you ask? Well beyond their wonderful, relaxed atmosphere that my daughter is also welcome to be in and their superior, honest service, the clothes are just lovely. I have been buying one of these brands for the past 10 years and not only do the clothes last and last, they are always designed with the next season in mind. So today I bought a few really lovely things, some will be just for summer and others I will definitely wear into the fall. The best thing is that by next year at this time, I know they will look just as good as they do today and won't be heading for the landfill at all.

If you live on Vancouver Island it is worth your time and your money to go and visit. And if you don't live on Vancouver Island, but close by, I would highly recommend a day trip over here. Lil' Sweet Nancy's and Sweet Nancy's is one of those rare places that really cares about their customers and offers amazing service whether you are buying one nice dress or a whole wardrobe. This is also a place where you don't have to be a size 2 to fit into the clothes, which for this curvy mama is a godsend. Not to mention, the store owner is also a mum, so she totally understands what I need when I'm buying clothes.

We talk a lot about self-care as mothers and for me, how I get dressed in the morning is part of that. So for this girl, quality will always trump quantity. And now I can be part of the summer without a map of spit up stains on my shirts.

P.S.

I normally don't do reviews on products or stores and was not paid to write this. I just really love this place and wanted to share. You can find them here. Happy shopping!

mother's day

2010-05-11T18:10:00.000-07:00

Ah, Mother's day. I love it. We went to Victoria for the day on Saturday and visited some of my favorite places. Murchie's for lunch, tea and treats, a tradition since I was a kid. Then to Munroe's for an amazing book that I am already devouring. And after that? Husband takes the kids for an hour so I can go and shop on my own, bliss. It was also a day where a courageous woman walked all the way down the island to bring awareness to our threatened Wild Salmon stocks. We took the kids to the very peaceful protest and while they didn't understand why we were there, it felt right to be there as a family.

On Sunday, actual mother's day, a long walk by the river with the family, more time on my own while husband took care of everything, some much needed bras (I'll write more about that later) and a carpet picnic.

Life after kids can really change things and we can either fight it or adapt. It's not always easy for my husband and I to get out on a date together, alone. So on Mother's Day he made a super yummy dinner, that was not for the kids (they ate earlier and went to bed) and we had a date on a blanket upstairs in our room. We had music, candles, wine and most importantly, peace. There was no one to complain that the dinner was "too yucky, to big, didn't like it, too smelly...." Where my perfect eaters went to, I have no idea. Anyways, it was bliss.

It was a really lovely weekend and a really lovely day. I hope you had a wonderful day too!

2010-05-05T18:52:00.000-07:00

Since I don't have anything riveting to write about (before and after pics of the kitchen are coming soon), I thought I'd share some recent photos of our life. Hanging out at home, a trip to Fisgard Lighthouse, May fest, and crab hunting at Transfer beach.

I received a touching phone call today from a mum who is so sleep deprived with her newborn, she's not sure what to do next. That post is on it's way soon....

writers block

2010-04-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

Well, it's hit me. Writers block. I have lots of things I would like to write about but fail to have the mental capacity to put anything into an interesting post worth reading. It's been a flurry of kitchen reno's, school decisions (yes, we finally made one) and a tantruming two year old. Every time I sit down to write something meaningful, my thought is interrupted by something, be it laundry, children, pot of water boiling over on stove, what have you. So, I'm taking a bit of a blogging break until this fog I am in lifts and I have something more meaningful to offer.

The kitchen looks amazing by the way. A lick of paint and some new light fixtures can bring forth a miracle.

walk a mile in my shoes

2010-04-11T20:45:00.000-07:00

I was the best parent in the world, before I had children. I knew why children turned out the way they did, how to get a child to sleep through the night, how long a child should breastfeed and I certainly was an expert on discipline. Then I had children.

I woke up this morning to the familiar screaming of my two children, one bugging the other. I dove deeper under the covers hoping I could disappear into some other world where children woke up singing and played quietly until I was ready to descend the stairs for my morning coffee. No such luck. I managed to doze for a half-hour between the crying and giggles (the girl can be a bit dramatic) all until my son came upstairs with a handful of his sisters hair and a pair of scissors. Need I say more?

I dream that there are mothers out there that take every challenge with stride, never loosing their cool, never dreaming of a Martini at noon. I wish I were that mother. I am that mother some of the time. This past week, not so much. Spring break and kitchen reno's have created a bit of a perfect storm where I am equally pulled between wanting to be present with my children and also finishing the painting that can't seem to wait until bedtime. It is hard for me to ignore my kids so that I can finish a job and it is equally hard to ignore the job so that I can be with the kids. I eventually gave up during the day and saved the work until night, but I am so tired.

What really gets me in times like these is people who don't have children who are so quick to judge with their all knowing responses for repair. They are experts in child rearing and know just how to fix the problem. Everything is in absolutes and so simple. Just take them for a walk. I already did that. Spend time with them. I am spending time with them. Then the blank look of realisation that all of their tricks are not fail proof.

The truth is, there really is no magic answer, no magic craft project, no magic story time. Having kids is hard. Having two kids is a million times harder. It can be rewarding, joyful, filled with moments of overflowing love for those two little ones you feel so blessed to have brought into the world. I often feel like this when I see them sleeping. I feel like this lots of times through the day too. But mothering can also be lonely, isolating, frustrating, maddening and bring you to tears. "Are you crying mummy?" "Liam, Why is mummy crying?" I couldn't speak through the tears, I just walked to the garage to get their bikes and helmets, wiped the tears away, took a breath and took them for a long river walk.

So the next time you think you have the answers or feel that you are an expert on someone else's children (even if you have ones of your own), Stop. Walk a mile in her shoes before you speak, you might find you get blisters just like she does.

still

2010-04-07T22:29:00.000-07:00

I've been a bit uninspired to post lately. Maybe its because I have gone through a huge process in deciding which school my son will go to, maybe it's because I've been trying to be a more present mum and just don't go on the computer as much or maybe it's because I have so much to say, I just don't know where to begin.

Whatever the case I feel like I need some time to be still. I need to be still with my family, with my work and especially with myself. So I have chosen to sign up for a 3 month study group and allow myself to take some time to focus inward and get clear on which step to take next. It feels good to stop and pause, to see all that is around me and know that just because it is there, I don't have to dive into it right away. It's kind of like being on this beach. The waves are crashing against the shore, the coastline feels rugged and wild and yet, when I took this photo, I sat down on the sand and just took it all in. The ocean is funny that way, there is something inherently calming and humbling about it. And while you may want to dive in, sitting down and just being with it is also perfectly acceptable.

the best toy

2010-03-29T18:35:00.000-07:00

I have purchased many beautiful wooden toys over the years. But really, nothing beats the cardboard box.

Reunion

2010-03-19T08:44:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago when I was in Comox, I had the privilege of seeing all these mums and dads again with their new babies (we missed you Kelsey and Steve, you too Sean). This group took my class last October and it is always amazing to me to see women and men born as mothers and fathers. Birth truly is a transformation.

35

2010-03-16T20:01:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday and I turned 35. For whatever reason, this birthday feels significant. I feel like I am at a turning point in my life, in many respects. Instead of feeling terrified, I feel excited, clear and renewed. My dreams for my life are very clear, I see myself differently than I did in my 20's, even when I turned 30. I think the most poignant part of 35 is that it is the end of the self-loathing era. All those years feeling that I wasn't good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, a good enough mother, wife, friend....oh it goes on...is now over. Sure I'll still have days when I feel down, days when I hate my jeans as though they have betrayed me by holding me a bit too close as I then blame the dryer. We all have moments like that. But moments and a lifestyle are two very different things.

The other day my mother called me to say that she would give me $5.00 for every pound I lost. I was speechless. In the past I would have felt a pit in my stomach, tears welling up in my eyes and witnessing my mind race about how I wasn't pretty enough. Ah, but this time it was different. This time I didn't take that on. This time I responded with "are you on crack?" And I meant it. Now, I love my mum, and I know that her heart is in the right place, she wants me to be healthy, but honestly, this has been going on since I was 9. For a long time I bought into that story, and now it is over for me. I could be upset about what she said, but actually, I am grateful. It feels like it was a "how much do you really love yourself?" kind of test and I passed. 35 feels like a metamorphosis. Funny how my birthday is less than a week from the first day of Spring.

So to celebrate this day, I spent it with my children. We had the best day ever. All I asked from my son for my birthday was "a day of kindness and co-operation" And they both gave it to me. Best present EVER. I took them down to Victoria and I bought a cute little vintage medicine cabinet for my bathroom, we ate at my favorite restaurant and then went to a couple of my favorite shops including this one. We were going to go to the museum, but my son asked if we could go to the park instead. The sun was out and I couldn't think of a more wonderful thing to do. So we went to the park, played in the playground, walked through the meadows, went for an ice cream and off to the beach. As we meandered home, we stopped at Goldstream and looked at the water, it sparkled in the sunlight and the moss hanging from the maples looked like magic. We came home, made a yummy dinner (including the amazing cake my husband baked from scratch for me) and now, kids are sleeping and I am so thankful for this day. This really was a Happy Birthday!

dreams

2010-03-10T19:46:00.000-08:00

I am a dreamer. When I was young it was endearing, as I grew older, some thought it became trite, almost inconvenient. I have dreams for myself, for my children, for my family. I dream about my career and what I really want to create, I dream about a beautiful home (which I am blessed to have) I dream about traveling and being blissfully anonymous. I dream about the kind of mother I want to be and escape from the mother I actually see myself as. I dream about having children that are fully embraced, allowed to have an unadulterated childhood, one where as adults they look back and know they are so wonderful because of it. Part of my dream has been that Waldorf education would be part of that.

Now that I am on the verge of leaving Waldorf, mainly for financial reasons, I am having to check in with my dreams and realize that they are also stories. This story that I have been living, the one that says Waldorf will keep my children safe, happy and held has really challenged what I think about myself as a mother and us as parents. While we haven't made a final decision yet, we are leaning towards French immersion for the fall. This process has really forced me to look deep within myself and see that I am actually a great mother. I love my kids more than life itself and will do whatever it takes to nurture, support, encourage and embrace them. While Waldorf education is a fantastic option for many, embarking on a new form of education doesn't change who I am as a mother, it doesn't change our family. We will still have a nature table, we will still eat good food, the Christmas Angels will still come on Christmas Eve and we will still keep media out of our home (as much as we can). We are still loving, caring, creative parents, Waldorf or not.

I had a dream the other night. Liam was 7 and going to his first day of grade one. As I stood at the entrance to the school, he and all his friends turned into Beluga whales. They all dove into the sea, free and transformed. As I stood on the shore feeling sad that he had left, I noticed a humpback whale going after them. It was clear that the children (whales) were in danger. As I stood helpless on the shore, my son and his friends managed to outsmart the whale and get away safely. They came back to the shore and turned back into children. My son, back into my arms.

Transformation and letting go is difficult for most people and this experience has been nothing less than challenging for me. I realize that part of the struggle for me is that up until now, I have largely been able to control his environment, what he is exposed to and how he has been embraced in these all important first 6 years. And while I don't know what lies ahead, I do know that my son is an amazing person. He is outgoing, curious, energetic, creative, deeply imaginative all wrapped into one sensitive little soul. The part that is hard is not really about what education he receives, it is about trusting that he will be OK. It is about trusting that the world is actually a good place for all of us. It is also about trusting that if a new school doesn't work out, that we are resourceful parents who will find another option for him. This is the letting go. This is about standing on the shore, holding the space for him as he embarks on a new journey, always supporting him, always there with open arms. They grow up so fast.

And so begins the journey.....

what you didn't learn in prenatal classes

2010-03-04T13:45:00.000-08:00

My son is now 6 and he will be going to grade 1 in September. Sounds simple, except that I don't know which grade 1 he will go to. We have been in the Waldorf system for 5 years now and mainly without question. It is a loving, nurturing educational system that embraces the child as a whole and meets their developmental needs without pushing them to do things they are not ready for.

Why on earth would I not want to continue in such a school? It is expensive. While it is one of the least expensive private schools around, it is still a private school and unfortunately, we are not millionaires.

So this week I began my search for a new school. There are so many choices, public, French Immersion, Catholic, Alternative, Waldorf, Montessori, home schooling, it is dizzying. Public is where I began since we are already in the private system and it it's time is coming to a close. There is a good public school close to home, so I went to meet the principal and he was nice. The school was nice. The library, nice. Inspiring? Not so much. When I asked about their outside time I was told that the BC government requires 30 min of physical activity a day. That could be in the gym, outside or are you ready?? An exercise DVD geared towards kids. I am still tripping over the words "exercise DVD" Why not just go outside? Do I now need to buy my son leg warmers as part of his school supplies? How did teachers become so disconnected from their students? When did Jane Fonda become an appropriate part of elementary education?

In a couple of weeks we are going to explore the French Immersion school. I hear great things about it, it's in a beautiful old building, great music and art program. But will it still nurture my son's belief in fairies? Will he be rushed into an academic machine that I am so afraid to throw him into? Or will he thrive, loving to learn, making new friends and enjoying the family vacation to Belgium that we could now take since we would no longer be paying for tuition.

Pregnancy, birth, babies, we all get through it somehow. Each phase has it's own challenges and for many of them there are groups, classes, resources to support you through them. Choosing the right school for your children in balance with the health of the family, now that's something I didn't learn in prenatal classes.

paint your heart out

2010-02-26T13:30:00.000-08:00

Do you remember being a child so in love with the experience of painting and art that what it looked like didn't matter, you just loved the colours and the feeling of paint brush to paper? Do you remember having so much fun that as soon as you were finished one piece of paper you were ready for the next?

Most all of us start at this place. The point of pure creative abandonment. And then someone comes along, a parent, a teacher a grandmother maybe even another child who says, "what's that supposed to be?" And as you said, "well, it's a land with fairies and gnomes and a big tree where they all live together" the response is "That doesn't look like a fairy" And then it's over.

This is the moment where almost all of us got the message that we can't paint, we're not artists and we're not good enough. This is the moment for many where we begin to compare ourselves to others, judging our abilities and gifts in relation to those around us.

The other day I gave my children paint and paper with the only instruction, "do whatever you like and have fun" My son at first was frustrated because he couldn't "paint good" and I said, "just pick a colour you like and start putting it on the paper" Before he knew it, he was so immersed in his work that he asked for 3 more sheets of paper. My daughter who is 2, has not yet begun to compare herself to others and just painted her heart out.

I started a class called The Ruby Slipper Project in September. It is amazing to me what a success it has become and how freeing it is for women to come and paint, explore and give into their creative impulse without judgment or restrictions.

Would you like to come and paint your heart out? I'm holding a one day retreat March 21st from 9-4pm, just for you. Think you can't paint? Yes you can. Come, hold a paint brush and see where the paint takes you. You will amaze yourself.

we were not meant to mother this way

2010-02-19T20:02:00.000-08:00

Have you read this book? It was recommended to me a couple of years ago and it changed my life. It is a feminist take on an old biblical story of a woman named Dinah and her life's journey traveling the desert with her family and in the end finding her own salvation through midwifery. It is a powerful story for sure.

However, this is not the part that changed my life. What opened my eyes was how she and her 4 mothers lived in a tribe. Now, I'm not a polygamist, nor is that the lifestyle for me. However, although these four women shared a husband, they also shared the role of mothering. They cooked together, ate together, raised children together, breastfed each others children and bled together, once a month in the Red Tent while the men fended for themselves for 3 days.

I could say so much about this book but what really stuck out to me was that we as a human species were not meant to mother alone. This modern idea of us all sequestered into our own little homes, cooking, cleaning, child rearing, partner caring....is not how we were meant to mother. That is why it can be so isolating, overwhelming, lonely, frustrating need I go on?

Women all over the world live in community, women in my own community live in community. Taking care of the children is not just one woman's job, but the whole villages job (insert cliche here). The bottom line is that we need each other, we need support, we need encouragement we need someone to come over and fold our laundry or take our kids to the park. The trouble is, now that we are so accustomed to this individualistic way of living, it can feel impossible to ask for help. Sure you might have done it when your baby was a month old, but now that your child is 2 years old, surely you should be able to take care of things on your own. No you shouldn't. We aren't superwomen with the abilities to facilitate a craft project, make a pot roast, clean the bathroom and fold the laundry in one fell swoop. We are still human and we need the support of others.

I greatly encourage you to read this book. And then I greatly encourage you to call a friend and ask for help, with whatever you need. And if you don't need help right now, offer to fold someone else's laundry. You will make their day.

love thyself

2010-02-10T20:30:00.000-08:00

Valentine's day is coming up this weekend. I always love this time of year, it is a welcome splash of colour and excitement in an otherwise gray and dull time of year.

This is also a time of year for many that is filled with an uncomfortable expectation to spend exhorbarant amounts of money on flowers, chocolate and fancy dinners. Some people resent this holiday as yet another commercial machine fueled by Hallmark to both make you spend and feel inadequate.

At the beginning of the year a friend of mine sent me an email sharing the view points of 8 year olds on love. The one that stuck out the most to me was a response that said " If you want to really know what love is, start with the person you hate the most." That is powerful stuff.

It would be easy for me to think of a few people that truly challenge my ability to love. However, as I really thought about it, I realized that the person I need to learn to love the most is me. Ok, that is just about as cliche as a Hallmark card saying I love you. But it's true. I wouldn't really say I hate myself, but if I was dating myself, I would have dumped me a long time ago. I know I'm not the only woman, and certainly not the only mother who treats herself like this.

I realized that if I could truly love myself, unconditionally, gently, with all the encouragement and positivity that I give my children, my husband, my friends then I could really change something. So while I'm all for loving your enemies, if we could learn to love ourselves, really love ourselves, we could change the world. Because when that love is there, the ego, self-loathing, self-destructive talk walks right out the door like a bad relationship.

So I wish you a very happy Valentine's day this year. Not in the candy and flowers kind of way, but in the "You are a beautiful gift to the world and I hope you see that" kind of way. Treat yourself to something this year, you are the most important Valentine in your life.

Love,

Catherine

what $5.00 will buy you these days....

2010-02-01T20:27:00.001-08:00

Well, maybe you can get a coffee, but it would have to be black. Maybe you can rent a movie, but not at a major movie store, or maybe you could buy a loaf of bread, but not organic because in my town that is at least $6.00 a loaf.

What $5.00 bought me tonight was the first moment of real self-care I have had in a long time. After a visit to the doctor because I think I'm dying of heart disease (which I'm not, but it runs in the family), my doctor says that she thinks my issues are stress related. She asked if I had a supportive husband and I said yes (although the cleaning fairy did come today, thank you Lucy) and did I ever get any time alone? Well, yes I do, but I don't spend it very wisely. Lately my alone time is either dedicated to working on the computer or watching shows on the computer and eating comfort food, not so healthy.

So tonight after dinner, my husband said "get your things, you should go for a swim." So I ignored my aversion to bathing suits and went. The swim felt great, but the steam room, that's where the magic was. It was so hot and steamy that I couldn't keep my eyes open. I also had to take deep, slow breaths to stay in there as long as I did. The result? 10 minutes of pure relaxation where not only was I alone (heaven) but I was able to actually turn off my mind for once and enjoy the moment.

I feel amazing and despite my feelings about my bathing suit, I can't wait to go back again. Turns out $5.00 can buy you a whole lot of magic if you know where to spend it.

What do you need to do to take care of yourself? You are worth every penny.

did the microwave make us impatient? Part 2

2010-01-23T19:07:00.001-08:00

Today was my son's 6th birthday. Well, his actual birthday isn't for a few days, but today was his party. Instead of having a brood of 6 year old boys tearing up my house, we decided on the bowling party. It was great, the boys loved it, all I had to do was bring cake and we could leave all the mess behind.

Now while this overstimulating place with the loud rock music, clash of bowling balls and kids screaming, not to mention the crazy decor was all good for the 6 year old, I was amazed to see a 5 day old baby there. Yes, 5 days old.

Did you know in many countries around the world including China women are not encouraged to leave the house for 30-40 days? When I first heard this 6 years ago, I thought it was archaic. I mean, what male centered society thought this one up? As if women weren't oppressed enough, now they can't even leave the house? My tune has now changed greatly.

This idea of not leaving the home for 40 days is wise. Newborn babies have just come from a perfectly balanced environment providing them with warmth, darkness, safety and closeness. Once they enter the big bright world, their senses are not yet equipped to deal with all of the stimulus around them. In situations like the bowling alley (and yes this baby was doing it), they shut down. They tend to "sleep" and be quiet until it is all over and they spend the next 4 hours screaming. The slightly older baby may just scream in that moment. It is an assault on their senses, not to mention the mother's.

This all brings me to the thought, why in our society is our productivity and capability measured by how quickly we can leave the postpartum space rather than remain in it? Is this yet another example of how impatient we have become as a society that we have not only forgotten the importance, but actually hold disdain for staying in the sacred space of our home? A place that is quiet and warm for both mother and baby? A place where they can rest, heal, be fed nourishing food, bond and breastfeed? Not only is the world too much for the newly emerged baby, it is also too much for the newly emerged mother. Both have come through a profound transition and both need to enter the world gently.

There is wisdom in slowing down and being taken care of and by rushing the postpartum process we are doing harm to all those involved. In cultures around the world such as Guatemala, Thailand, China, Korea and South East Asia just to name a few, where women are kept warm at home with their babies they are given daily massages, warm foods prepared for the mother, housecleaning and warm baths. The whole intention is to surround the new mother with love and care so that she can recover from the birth slowly and nourish her baby peacefully. This process honours the woman's transformation into a mother as something that is sacred and to be respected.

We need to change this idea of showing the world how competent we are by how quickly we return to every day life to how we allowed ourselves to be cared for and nourished quietly at home. These delicate postpartum days are precious and they never come back. Not only does the newborn baby deserve a quiet entry into this world, so does the mother. We can support mothers in this time by bringing them food, offering to do their laundry and giving them a well deserved massage. If you are about to step over the threshold into motherhood, I encourage you to ask for these things, you and your baby deserve it.

did the microwave make us impatient? Part 1

2010-01-18T19:37:00.000-08:00

I was standing at my microwave yesterday waiting for my maple syrup to warm for our Sunday pancakes. After needing to put the pitcher back in because it wasn't warm enough, I actually found myself becoming impatient when it still had 10 seconds to go. I started thinking about my life before a microwave (which wasn't that long ago) and I would have no problem waiting for something to warm in a pot on the stove, but in the microwave I somehow expect instant results. When did 30 seconds become a long time to wait?

So as I sat down to eat my breakfast I started thinking about how we as a culture have become so impatient. Everything around us has been expediated, our food, travel, Internet, laundry, dishes, you name it, no one wants to wait for anything. Then the thought came, if we live in a microwave society, it is no wonder that we want our children to catch up to our drive-thru lives and get frustrated when they can't keep up?

I get asked all the time in my classes about how to train a baby to sleep through the night and become independent. I get it. We are a busy society and many of us need to work in order to eat. Although in Canada we have 1 year of Maternity leave, I know many mamas that have had to go back to work sooner just so they could keep a roof over their heads. There are so many books out there promising parents to be Babywise or how to have the Happiest baby on the block or that someone who claims to be the Baby Whisperer will solve all your problems.

The problem here is that babies don't know, and don't care that it is 2010. For all they know it could be 1180BC. Their needs have not changed one bit. They want to be breastfed, they want to be carried, they want to be responded to when they cry, they want to be with their mother when they sleep and they want to be attached, they are incapable of independence. They can't do anything for themselves. If they don't have these things, they go into distress and the essential bond that mother and baby have is put at risk. All of these "experts" have forgotten that children are not dogs you can train and are promising parents things they can't give. Because at the end of the day, babies don't want a 30 second mother, they want a love and bond that takes months and years of patience to solidify.

What we need in this backward culture of ours is not another book on how to have an independent baby who sleeps through the night in the $5000, 00 designer nursery. We need a culture that supports the mother/infant bond by making it possible for us to be able to slow down with our children and really be with them, even if that means a nap together at 11:00 in the morning. This is a huge topic and one that is dear to my heart....there is more to come.

this was not my best purchase

2010-01-11T20:26:00.000-08:00

Ok, I'm not sure if maybe my children are railway challenged or if I have been sucked into the idea that this toy is what childhood is all about, but in my house it is a nightmare. I started buying a set for my son when he was 2. I was so excited for him to open the present only to find out that you need an engineering degree to put the tracks together in some kind of interesting configuration or at least to make them connect so that the trains don't drop off into a frustrating land called the floor.

Once you have that figured out, you then need to have reached a developmental milestone which gives you the dexterity to keep the train actually on the track. After many more hopeful gifts of this wooden railway and the blind faith that it would just take a bit of practice, not to mention the frustration and throwing of the wooden tracks, the trains found a home in a basket under the stairs.

Now my daughter, 2 1/2 is excited about them. She points at the basket (which in my mind is still thinking about what it has done) and says, "choo, choo? Me play choo choo?" So here I am today, in a time warp from 4 years ago helping the little one to put the tracks together only for her to end up in a puddle of tears because the trains don't stay on the tracks. She actually put herself face down, head in arms sobbing. A few minutes later she finally conceded and just brought 3 trains to the table and pushed them around. Watching her made me think how much I wished that I had just bought this train and not jumped on the bandwagon. Trouble is, I'm not going to go out and spend more money on any kind of train now since I have a perfectly good basket full of them right here.

Maybe one day they will grow into them....

you never know where the road may take you....

2010-01-02T21:46:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone! I have a really good feeling about this year. 2010 just feels like a good number not to mention I turn35 this year and Beautiful Birth turns 5 (watch for upcoming events).

So to begin our New Year, we decided to go on an adventure and explore a new place in this beautiful valley of ours. Youbou. The name does not do this community justice. It is on the shores of Lake Cowichan and is absolutely beautiful. We found ourselves a little park by the lake and let the kids run off some post Christmas energy. Unfortunately, the rain clouds opened up and despite the muddy buddies, we were getting very wet and cold.

Just as I was about to haul the troops back to the car, a woman came up to me and we started chatting. She had two young children herself, but left them at home due to the weather. She told me about giving birth in our community as an immigrant (she was from India) and then invited us to her home for tea. Now, I don't normally go to strangers homes for tea, but it was such a sweet offer and we were all cold and wet so we couldn't say no.

This invitation reminded me of when I was 5 and my dad and I were on China Beach on a day very similar to this one. It was rainy and cold and very gray. I remember wanting to go home when a young woman came up to us and invited us back to her tent city (she was a hippie squatting with many others on the land). We went with her and I remember the smell of Chai tea and the blue light cast by the tarp. We sat there that day drinking our yogi tea with these people who to a 5 year old seemed like magic.

This past New Year's day proved to be no less interesting. While we went back to a home, not a squatters camp, our new friend made us Chai tea on this very cold west coast day. As we talked for the next couple of hours we would learn that she was a Tibetan refugee, born in a refugee camp on the boarder of India. Her mother was still there, unable to leave. When I asked her if she had ever been to Tibet (pictured above), she said no since she was on the Chinese government's wanted list. Turns out she spent many years working for His Holiness, the Dali Lama. Her work included being a nurse for Tibetan orphans whose parents had been killed by the Chinese government. She has spent her life traveling the world and somehow ended up in Youbou.

What an amazing start to the year. Discovering a beautiful little town on the edge of a lake surrounded by the mountains where a remarkably courageous woman lives with her two children and her husband. An incredible woman with an infectious smile, who invited us into her home on a rainy New Year's day to sip Chai tea and tell her story about being born a refugee and practicing the message of love in places where it would be impossible for most. It's always so interesting when you head out somewhere new, you just never know where it will take you.

I wish you a year full of love and many roads filled with adventures and maybe even a cup of Chai tea or two.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T21:03:00.000-08:00

We had a really great Christmas. It was stress free, full of super yummy food, and completely magical. The Christmas angels brought lovely hats, a super fantastic red wagon with ski attachments and a knight on a horse that my son couldn't put down all day.

My husband made dinner today, such a treat. Well, I helped, but I wasn't in charge. Instead of turkey we had rabbit with a mustard-cream-bacon sauce....I can't begin to tell you how amazing it was.

So as I sit by the fire on this cold winter night, I am so thankful for such a wonderful day. It had nothing to do with a mountain of presents (although the children sure got some lovely ones), it was about being together, peacefully with lots of love and no stress at all.

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas too, it sure can be a magical time of year when we can stop and appreciate it.

do you feel like Charlie?

2009-12-20T20:19:00.000-08:00

If you haven't paid attention there are only 5 more sleeps until Christmas, actually 4 for those of us that celebrate on Christmas Eve. Something has happened to me this year, I don't know if it is having kids or my age or my lack of money, but I have become deeply reflective about Christmas this year.

The whole thing feels so soul-less. Stores open 24 hours a day, people buying whatever they can just to be able to fill the space under the tree, mothers sighing as they pass the credit card over the counter paying for things that are going to be broken by New Years (and they know it), people who are without the luxury of credit trying to figure out how they are going to give their kids a "nice" Christmas. There is no heart left in this season, it all feels like one giant pink aluminum tree.

Well, all is not lost, at least on this family. We don't have a lot of money, and it is one of the best things going for us. We have found a few family traditions to celebrate this season that has made it a wonderful time for all of us and it doesn't require us to take out a second mortgage on the house. And the best part? It feels like we are able to truly enjoy this season without all the stress and guilt and pile of broken toys at the end of it all.

The first thing we do is celebrate Advent. We start on the first Sunday and light a candle to celebrate the mineral kingdom. The second Sunday was the plant kingdom, the third the animal kingdom and today, the people. The anticipation and excitement around adding new things to the advent wreath and waiting for "The Child of Light" is something that is really nourishing our family, especially our children. This is the darkest time of year in our part of the world and it is so meaningful to look forward to "the coming of the light" whatever that is for you.

A few other things we do....attend the Waldorf Christmas Faire, make window stars, share St. Nicholas Day with our friends, go to the Nutcracker. Today we went to another Christmas fair that had beautiful music, yummy food and hand-made crafts, not commercial at all.

We have also been making presents. I have really been thinking about how we look at giving at this time of year. I don't know about you, but I have been bombarded by sales, discounts, free shipping, give to your mother, give to yourself, holiday buying guides, only three days left to save...it gives me a stomach ache. I tried to rent a movie last night and I couldn't even look for my video without a staff member reminding me that previously viewed movies were buy 2 get one free. It's too much.

So as we approach Christmas Day and you find yourself last minute shopping, I encourage you to stop and think about what this time of year is all about. It's not about big presents or the "wow" factor. It's not about impressing someone or teaching our children that over-consumption is healthy. This time of year is about being with those we care about, kindness and love. Cliche I know, but it's true. Your nephew doesn't care about getting the big huge toxic made in China plastic toy; they just want to be with you. I think this is why we are all feeling so empty around this time of year. What we are all looking for, a spiritual connection to something greater than ourselves, whether it is God, the universe or our families, just can't be purchased at Wal-Mart.

Linus' response to Charlie Brown is timeless, share it with your family.

happy St. Nicholas Day!

2009-12-06T22:06:00.000-08:00

My father is Hungarian. He moved here in the 50's before the Hungarian Revolution broke out and with him he brought the tradition of St. Nicholas Day. December 6th was more exciting to me than Christmas. This is the day that I would wake up to see my brightly polished shoes sitting on the window sill full of treats. I loved it. I loved the Christmas Angels too, but more on that later.

So now that we have two little ones, it is so exciting to me to share this tradition with my children. They began polishing their shoes two days ago and this morning they woke up to find them full of Christmas oranges, a bundle of golden nuts (roasting chestnuts wrapped in gold paper), a candy cane, scarves and hats, and a few little toys. Since we were having a party for our friends today, their children's shoes magically appeared on our window sill as well, also full of goodies. And just so our children knew which way he came from, there was a trail of golden stars that went from the window sill all the way to the back door.

I have been pondering all day why this celebration is so special to me. Maybe it's because it isn't surrounded by all the pressure and hoopla that Christmas is (this is not the time for gift gluttony), maybe it's because St. Nicholas was a real saint and I can truly believe in him or maybe it is just the magical idea of this kind old man who fills the shoes of children while they are asleep with wonderful little presents. Whatever it is, all 7 children and 8 adults had a wonderful time today. This is a beautiful tradition to start with your family if you are not already doing it. Your kids will love it!

Here are the words to a song we sang as we played our St. Nicholas game...

"Kind old man St. Nicholas Dear
please come to my house this year
Here's some straw and here's some hay
For your little donkey grey
Please put something in my shoe
I've been good the whole year through..."

what do Doulas do?

2009-11-30T08:31:00.000-08:00

I get asked this question all the time. While I was at a birth 2 weeks ago, sitting quietly, holding a labouring mum's hand, I began thinking about all the things I (we) do as doulas....

We educate women and their families on their birth options and support whatever decision they make.

We support women and their partners both physically and emotionally.

We put our lives on hold for 4 weeks while being on call so that we are available at anytime we may be needed.

But beyond that... we hold the space, quietly being there, reassuring the mum that she is in a safe, sacred place. As a mother myself, it is a place I know well. With love, patience and a stillness of spirit, I hold hands, wipe faces, dry tears, turn on showers, prepare baths, offer drinks, moan, breathe, rock, comfort partners, explain what is happening, sit quietly, breathe, rest, move, breathe, encourage, hold legs, hold mothers, sometimes even partners, open the space to cry, encourage time to process, wait...and then celebrate.

I take photos and bring warm blankets and tea, in joy of a birth, of being given the awesome privilege of witnessing a baby's first emergence into the world, it's first breath, it's first sight of it's mother that it knows already so well. I then hold the space for the baby as it finds it's way to it's mother's breast, un-rushed, and celebrate the baby's first experience at the breast.

I come to homes or hospitals, helping mum and her baby, I bring information, experience and love. I bring trust that women know how to care for their babies, unlike any book will ever tell them how. Again I hold the space for the new family as they share their experience, ask for support and find themselves on the other side of the river, in this new land of parenting.

While I don't offer medical care, that is the midwife or doctors role, I do offer compassion, love, support, understanding, knowledge, wisdom and a way of quietly being there offering reassurance that this her rite of passage. It is sacred work and I am always so honoured every time I am invited to witness a family's birth.

thankfully dry

2009-11-23T21:56:00.000-08:00

This past 6 days have been intense. I was at a birth and then the next day, my husband woke up at 6:30am and said "Oh God, the road is flooding." He went outside where he was told that we had 2 hours before high tide. One of the dikes had breached and the water was rising. Friday was a blur of moving valuables upstairs, trying to keep calm, sandbagging, digesting an evacuation order and feeling completely helpless. By Grace alone, we were not the ones in this canoe. The water flooded our yard, front and back and reached the first of three steps of our home. Thankfully, we are dry and still in our home, with only a constant river of ground water that we are still trying to pump out of our backyard.

It's so odd to watch flood victims on the television and then find yourself being one (my mum called on Sunday morning to say she saw me on TV, so bizarre). When we moved here we did our research. We talked to people about the dike at the end of our road, about the potential for flooding and we were told consistently that it was a possibility, but with the new dike that was built we were quite safe. They were right, our dike was fine, it was the one about a dozen blocks away that was about 2 inches short of protecting us. I've thought about selling our home (as much as I love it) and moving to higher ground, but will that really make a difference? When you experience something like this, it sure reminds you that there is always the potential for some kind of danger, but living in fear, just isn't living.

Thank you so much to all of our friends and family that have lovingly offered their support and homes, it is so touching to know how loved and cared for we are.

thank you

2009-11-12T21:42:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that when you compliment a young child on how smart they are, how cute they look or even their big muscles are, that the response they give back is always, Thank You.

I was at a retreat last weekend and there was a beautiful woman in our group who was wearing beautiful earings. Another woman who she had just met said to her, "those earings are beautiful, I love the color and the way they look against your skin." The woman responded with, "oh, yeah, they kind of hurt my ears and they are old."

Can you imagine complimenting a 5 year old on how strong he is only for him to respond "well, I'm not really, actually I'm really weak and my clothes don't really fit me either." It's ridiculous, they will more likely respond, " Thanks! Do you want to see just how big my muscles are? I bet I could lift this whole table!"

This has been something I have been thinking about for a long time. I went to visit my dearest friend in California this past June and when I went into her home I was amazed by how beautiful it was. Of course I complimented her on it and instead of her saying, "yeah well, it's alright, there is still so much work to do on it" She said, "Thanks".

She and my children have taught me a lot about accepting a compliment with a good solid Thank You. When you compliment someone on something it is like a gift and to have them brush it off or throw it back, well, it's like saying, I don't want your gift. There is also a shift in energy within one self when we accept a compliment, something that assists us in standing a little taller and not shrinking like a flower desperate for water.

So the next time someone says how beautiful you are, or what a great mother you are or even how strong you are (because you know that you are), instead of dismissing what others see in you, invite that compliment in. You are worth it.

P.S.

Wondering what my son's shirt says? "Love Hoo You Are" I bought it on etsy for him for Valentines this year.

in just one drop....

2009-11-03T13:48:00.000-08:00

Before I begin with this post, I want to state that it is in no way intended to offend or make anyone feel guilty for not breastfeeding or for feeling that they were not able to. I recognize that there are many factors that need to come together for a breastfeeding relationship to work and without those pieces it can be nearly impossible.

That being said....

Did you know that just one drop of breastmilk contains 3,000,000 cells for the health of your baby? Just one drop.

There is something going on in our society, something that just isn't right. Women are being told that they don't have enough milk, that their babies are allergic to their milk, that formula is just as good as breastmilk, that babies do not know the difference between the bottle and the breast, that their babies just don't like breastfeeding, that mothers are not wise to their babies, that they should schedule and not feed on cue, that babies are ready to face the world on their own...they should be able to self-soothe don't you know? The list goes on and on and on.

In the process of all of these messages, women are giving up on breastfeeding, a decision that affects not only the baby, but also the mother deeply. We are not supporting mother-infant attachment nor are we supporting the health and well being of either member of the relationship.

Breastfeeding is more than just a transfer of milk from mother to baby. It is a relationship, a way of learning how to mother your baby and respond to their needs. It not only supports the baby's health, well-being, immune system, brain, eye and oral development.....It also supports women by reducing the risk of reproductive cancers, heart attacks and stroke, it helps us to respond to our babies in a loving way (studies have shown that women who are at high risk of committing child abuse are less likely to act in this way while they are breastfeeding) Oxytocin, the love hormone is a magic thing.

I understand that for many women, breastfeeding can be a challenging experience. Really, I get it. It took 5 weeks of hell for me to sort things out with my first child and 2 weeks with my second. The difference between the first and second child was that I was more educated, more experienced and knew where to go for help. My success came from amazing support both from my midwife and my husband, my own determination and good, evidenced based information. I am still breastfeeding my second child and she is nearly 2 1/2. A pretty amazing success.

The thing that is missing for many women is good, consistent information from skilled breastfeeding mothers and lactation professionals. Breastfeeding is not something that is medical and yet it is treated as such so often. By ignoring the emotional aspect of breastfeeding, namely confidence, many women are not supported in the way they need to be in order to successfully breastfeed their children. They are dismissed and discouraged. They are told that they are inadequate and not experts on their babies. While we do need to be careful and aware of how a mum and baby are doing since serious situations can arise, we need to give the ownership of being able to feed one's own baby back to the mother. Women need to be empowered about their abilities, their decisions and their instinct so that they may apply that to all areas of mothering.

Now that H1N1 is upon us, we need to do everything we can for our little ones. Who knew that just one little drop could mean so much.

autumn

2009-10-30T10:00:00.000-07:00

I took the kids out for a walk the other day by the river and I couldn't resist taking pictures of them. Autumn is my most favorite season of the year. Warm wool sweaters, crisp days, leaves that look like lanterns hanging on the trees (that's what my son calls them) and that magical energy in the air of transition. I love this picture, the kids look like Hansel and Gretel on their way to the gingerbread house. Only in this scenario their mother isn't trying to get rid of them and there is no scary witch trying to eat them.

Nature calms, it's magic out there.

the woman in black

2009-10-24T10:12:00.000-07:00

Stefan took me out last night on a date, something we don't do nearly enough of. Since I was a child, I have always loved a good ghost story, so when he asked me what I would like to do, I said let's go see "The Woman in Black"

I have to admit, when we got there, I knew that it would be a good play, they usually are at the Chemainus Theatre Festival. However, what I didn't know was how unbelievably freaked out I could get from watching live theater. The audience was screaming, even my husband was a bit jumpy. It was an amazingly well done play that has been selling to sold out audiences in London for the past 20 years and although I am still a bit creeped out, I would recommend it to anyone. Just don't take your kids, it's not that kind of play.

Nothing like a good ghost story to set the mood for Halloween.....

pumpkin day

2009-10-23T15:38:00.000-07:00

My daughter has stopped napping. Well, she would still like a nap and I would still very much like her to have a nap. However, when she sleeps in the day, that means she doesn't sleep at night. And as much as I dearly miss my hour in the day to do work, post on my blog, breathe, I am not a fan of a 9:00 bedtime. Without a nap, she is usually asleep by 7:00 at the latest.

So the other day instead of coming home and spending the day doing chores in place of enjoying nap time, I attempted to be a more fun mum and took the kids to the pumpkin patch. It was really great. The weather was fantastic, there was a horse drawn wagon ride down to the pumpkin patch and we all got to pick one of those Halloween fruits for ourselves. I still miss the nap, but it was a great day.

giving thanks

2009-10-13T20:59:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday was Thanksgiving for us Canadians. This holiday, like many often brings back memories, not of Norman Rockwell dinner tables, but of stress, tears, too much food and at the end some kind of let down and disappointment. It's just too much pressure!

So this year we decided to do something different. Our dear friend who lives down the street, who also happens to be Polish, came over and we cooked dinner together. Not turkey, not even Chicken, we made...homemade perogies! Yep, that's right, homemade perogies with Sauerkraut that had bacon, onions and mushrooms and I made my first ever homemade pumpkin pie (crust too!)

The day was fun. It was full of laughter, good conversation and really good food. We even stuffed some of the perogies with chantrelle mushrooms that Stefan had bought at the farmer's market. It was a lot of work, I think we started at 1:30pm and didn't finish until 5:30pm, but it was well worth it! And the best part, no tears, no stress and certainly no disappointment. This was one of THE best Thanksgivings I have ever had.

So, in the spirit of giving thanks I thought I would share some of the things that I am truly thankful for this year:

*a beautiful family, they really are. I couldn't be more blessed than to have these two amazing children and fantastic husband

*a beautiful home to live in. It's not fancy, but it's perfect for us and I am truly grateful that we live here

*our health. We have some friends that are going through some pretty rough stuff with health, and it really is true, your health is everything.

*good friends. I have some amazing friends, really. Women that are so full of light and laughter, intellect and creativity. They all inspire me.

*creating The Ruby Slipper Project. Being able to reconnect with my artistic roots has breathed new life back into me. There has been a very real part of me that has been in hibernation until now, it's really a gift to be able to do this work.

What are you thankful for this year?

here we go!

2009-10-02T15:24:00.000-07:00

So The Ruby Slipper Project began two weeks ago and it is THE most fun I have had since I was in my 20's. We have 8 women in the group, all from different walks of life, all come together to make this such a rich experience for everyone. Most of the women in the group will tell you that they are not artists, but once they each picked up their paintbrushes, it was magical to see what could happen.

The beauty of the art group, is that it is not an art class that promises to teach you how to paint trees. This is an art group that offers the freedom to play with paint, explore the creative impulse in each of us, in a totally non-judgmental space. There is laughter, stories, challenging our own beliefs about ourselves as well as the pure ecstasy of being able to have a quiet space once a week to just indulge in the creative spirit.

One woman asked last night, "What is art?" Some said that a creative work could be titled as such when seen or appreciated by others. Some thought the work wasn't art until it was worth something and worthy of purchase. Here's what I think art is: "When the creative impulse meets the moment of manifestation."

What I mean by that is, we all have an impulse to be creative. Some of us do it through fine art, other through craft, still others through cooking, gardening, home making....the list goes on. There is an amazing woman in our group who has worked with art for almost 4 decades, yet she had never painted herself. The moment this woman put the paint to paper, I swear you could feel the electricity in the air. This was the moment that her creative impulse, that had been there forever, met the moment of manifestation on her paper. I'm telling you it was magic.

Just as the women in this group are learning about themselves, I too am learning about myself. This is such an amazing journey and I feel so remarkably blessed to be able to do this work. So, if you were hesitating before to come, hesitate no longer. I will be offering another group soon, this may be the most fun that you have had in a long time too!

eight years

2009-09-22T18:37:00.000-07:00

Eight years ago today, we got married in an old church in Vancouver on the first day of fall. We went to Tofino (my most favorite place on earth) this past weekend on our own (first time in 6 years) to celebrate.
We walked on the beach, through an amazing trail in the woods, ate super yummy food and watched the sunset. It was beautiful. Happy anniversary my love!

P.S.
No, that isn't our son in the back ground. This was the best picture we were able to take of ourselves whilst holding the camera in my hand. This boy appeared in the background. Anyone skilled at photoshop?

The Ruby Slipper Project has a space!

2009-09-12T19:58:00.000-07:00

Something as special as The Ruby Slipper Project needs a very special space. Thank you to those at O.U.R Ecovillage for making this possible. The space is amazing, the land, breathtaking, the group....well, you have to come and see for yourself.

There are two spaces left...what's holding you back from being a part of this amazing experience?

the book of negroes

2009-09-07T11:24:00.000-07:00

What kind of courage does it take to survive watching your parents die, stolen from your home, sold into slavery and sent to the New World?

I started reading this book two nights ago and I am hooked like a woman with PMS on chocolate. I originally bought it for my husband since I was already reading another book. He devoured it. He actually woke up early in the morning just to read. And now it is my turn.

I think if it hasn't been deemed this already, this is going to be the next great Canadian novel. I highly recommend you visit your local bookstore or library and start reading it. You won't be able to put it down.

bookworm

2009-09-06T10:21:00.000-07:00

Before I moved to the island, I was a full blown TV addict. I mean really. After my son was in bed (my little one wasn't here yet), I could easily sit down at 7:00pm and stay there until 11:00pm, just about every night. I had lots of reasons why I did it, but it wasn't healthy. When we moved here, we decided to leave the TV behind. It was definitely an adjustment.

We do have a very little TV that lives under the stairs. I still love movies and a few shows, I just rent them now and when they are done, the TV goes off. So instead of turning my brain to mush from shows I didn't even really like, I started reading. Now, I've become a voracious reader, as soon as one book is done, I pick up a new one. It's very satisfying.

So I thought I'd share a few of my favorites including what I'm reading right now. I have to admit, I am a bit of a lazy reader. If the first couple of chapters don't grab me, I move on. So if you are like that too, you'll love these:

The Birth House by Amy McKay is an amazing story of a young woman growing up in turn of the century Nova Scotia. She learns to be a midwife during a time when birth was becoming medicalized in hospitals. She is brave, smart and deeply interesting. She has women come to her home to give birth, hence the name. I was hooked by the first line.

Outlander is an older book that a good friend gave to me. It was a bit harder to get into, but I was encouraged to keep going. Once I did, I couldn't stop. A story of a young married couple in Scotland in the 40's. The husband is researching his family history. The wife, goes to a stone circle and is transported, without her husband's knowing back to the 1700's and meets the very man her husband was researching. It is an epic tale, full of love, romance, violence and intrigue. This is a good fireside book.

I just finished reading this last night. If you are into history, as you may begin to see that I am, this is a remarkable tale. It is a story the first woman settler on the Miramichi in the 1700's. At the age of 20 she leaves her home in England with the Jamaican butler and sails to the West Indies, hoping to start a new life for herself. After a harrowing crossing, she finds herself on a plantation, pregnant with her partner perished from Yellow Fever. From there she sails to the east coast of Canada and lives on the doorstep of history. Married and widowed three times, mother to 10 children, clever and strong with the skills of a midwife and an ongoing love affair with a First Nations man, this story is packed with everything that makes a good book. Based on the life of her great, great, great grandmother, Sally Armstrong delivers a fantastic story. I highly recommend it.

I'll post tomorrow and share what I'm reading now, it is so good I highly suggest to go to the bookstore or library and start reading it.

Who knew a TV addict could turn around and become a bookworm?

manifest goodness

2009-08-28T18:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a lousy day. Do you ever have one of those days where it seems like nothing is going right? Where it seems as though the entire universe has abandoned you? That's what I felt like.

And then, things started to shift. I received some good news, I spoke with a friend on the phone and had a good laugh about being mothers and went to bed with the feeling that tomorrow would be a better day. Well, for many reasons, today has been a great day.

But the best part? I went into the frame shop to pick up my art for the children's rooms and the manager, who is one of the loveliest people I know here, noticed my cute pink shoes, my most favorite shoes. She asked me what my size was, and then she said, "wait here." She went in the back and brought out two beautiful pairs of shoes. They weren't working for her, but they happened to be my favorite brand, and my perfect size. This shoe angel gave me two new pairs of shoes! I was just looking online last night coveting some new shoes but reminding myself that we couldn't afford them. And here they are. Brand new. You see? The universe never abandons us, we just need to be clear and ask for what we need. This was such a beautiful reminder that we are all being cared for, every day, even when it doesn't feel like it. Thank you J. this was such a gift, more than you will ever know.

What do you want to manifest in your life? All you have to do is ask.

wash the dishes to wash the dishes

2009-08-22T14:46:00.000-07:00

Huh? This was my first lesson in mindfulness. It is a story written by Thich Naht Hanh. It is all about a man who would wash the dishes at the end of the night only because he knew when he was finished that he would be able to sit down and enjoy a cup of tea. The task that was given was for him to wash the dishes, just to wash them, not for any other reason. Why you ask? Well, if we go through life always preforming our tasks to get to the next step, then we are never fully present in what we are doing and therefore never fully present in life.

This summer has not been an easy one. My 5 year old has pushed me to my limits most days and some beyond. I eventually got to a place that I began resenting his school. That's nonsense you say. Well, my son is enrolled in Waldorf. It is a great school, wonderful teachers, storybook setting. It is also not just a school. Being a Waldorf parent requires that we also make lifestyle changes. For the past 5 years, I have made those changes in our home, willingly, sometimes almost self-righteously. All of this with the idea that it would make my son a better person and validate that I was a good parent.

Well, this summer has proved me wrong. He is still 5. And for any of you that have a 5 year old, you know exactly what I am talking about. Back-talking, sassing, tantrums, tears, disobedience. He can also be really sweet, don't get me wrong. But it has been a very challenging time none the less. Where does the resentment come in? Well, I signed up for Waldorf, I mean really signed up. Our home and our lives are only one degree from peach walls. And I still have the child that I so arrogantly used to say, I wouldn't.

Then it came to me last week. It's not about the school, or lack of plastic toys or even the nature table that is going to support him to be a wonderful person. It's me and my husband. I know this sounds so obvious, and I believed that before too, but I held this value in his school as thought it would produce something different, something that public school just couldn't.

What I realized last week was that my love of nature, history, classical music and books, that all came from my dad. My love of being creative, my strong, willful nature and my compassionate and empathetic spirit, that all came from my mum. None of these came from the school I attended. And so will be the same for my children. That is the trust that has been bestowed in us as parents, as guardians for these little souls, to give them the gifts of life, from our heart to theirs.

So, in a couple of weeks, my son will go back to school. I still think it is a good school and a great place for him to be. However, I no longer believe that it will give us a certain outcome. That person I hope my son to grow up to be (loving, considerate, thoughtful, passionate etc) is partly my husband and I and partly just who my son is, the school is just the icing (and expensive icing at that). Because whether he goes there or some other school, we will still go for walks in the woods, eat dinner together at the table, keep the TV off and maintain the nature table. And with all of that, I can still have my cup of tea too.

a wise woman once said....

2009-08-19T13:05:00.000-07:00

"Attention is the most concrete expression of love. What you pay attention to thrives. What you do not pay attention to withers and dies." -Karen Maezen Miller

This past week, my attention and love has gone in different places. My son went to camp Nana for the week while I spent some glorious time with my daughter, alone. I realized that I had 3 and a half years alone with my son, but really no time alone with my daughter. Why I ever thought having one child was so hard I will never know. Although the daughter and the son are very different children.

I also gave my love and attention to my home, to the Ruby Slipper Project and to my husband. I can see them all thriving.

What I failed to give my attention to was my website. As a consequence, it is down for the next week or so. It was a serious mishap with a previous web host and a new web host that made switching look much easier than it actually was. The result...files deleted, website gone. Except for my amazing web designer who in his wisdom has all of my files and can breathe life back into the site when he returns from his vacation.

So there it is, so simply put, yet so very true. If you want what you love to flourish, give it all the attention you can, if it withers and dies, well, you know why.

announcnig...The Ruby Slipper Project

2009-08-08T13:24:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the story about Dorothy and her journey to OZ? By some befallen fate, she was transported to an unfamiliar land and bestowed with a pair of Ruby Slippers. All she wanted was to go home. But instead of the good witch just giving her the answer (wouldn't that have been so much easier?) she embarked on a long journey to find the answer to her question. Along the way she collected her heart (the Tin man), her brains (the Scarecrow) and her courage (the Lion). When she finally reached the Emerald City, what she discovered was that it was all an illusion. The Wizard didn't have the answer she sought, it was within her the whole time...a few clicks of her heels and there she was, exactly where she wanted to be.

Have you ever had that experience yourself? Maybe not in a land of munchkins, but searching for an answer and embarking on a long journey (either literal or emotional) to find the answer only to discover you had it within you all along? We women are wise and we often forget it. We get so caught up in our daily life of self-deprecation and doubt that we lose touch with our own instinct. So how do you re-connect with it? When you are going through a transition, feeling stuck or just wanting to re-connect with your creative self so you can then approach your challenges with a creative mind, you need something that is free and without judgment.

The Ruby Slipper Project is just that. It is a women's only process art circle that will meet once a week for 6 weeks. Women will come together, materials laid out for them and just paint. Can't draw a stick figure you say? Perfect. This is a group that focuses on the process, not the outcome, so neither myself or anyone cares what it looks like. What I care about is what the experience is like for you. Do you find a new freedom in making a mess? Have you found some clarity about yourself as you put colour to paper? What about when you get stuck and don't know what to do? What will you do? And how did you know how to do that? How can you apply that to your life? This is Self-Discovery through art and it is powerful. It is also just plain fun.

This group is a culmination of years of a dream that has evolved into something amazing. Come with me, this is going to be an amazing journey.

being brave enough to dream a reality

2009-08-04T15:30:00.000-07:00

Have you had a dream for a long time, or a short time, of something that you would love to do but think you can't? Does it seem impossible, indulgent, too big to accomplish? If you were given the opportunity to at least try, without any fear of failure or judgment, would you do it? If I told you that those fears of failure that are holding you back are just your story and are not necessarily reality, would you then consider to step out and try? What have you already done in your life that took a great deal of courage, but you found it and accomplished it? If you did it once, could you do it again?

I have created something new. Something that I feel not only passionate about, but also truly excited to put forward into the world. It is the culmination of a dream that started when I was 18. And now 16 years later, after traveling around the world, hiking the Westcoast trail, a university degree, marriage, two children, Birthing From Within and Doula certification, a move to the Cowichan Valley and a transformative journey to California (all which took a great deal of courage), I am not holding back any longer . It is interesting to me to see how my dream at 18 has evolved to what I dream now. It is the realization that I needed these past 16 years of experiencing life to be able to arrive here. The outcome is uncertain, but it doesn't matter, it's about the process. It's about being brave, about creating something born of passion and vision. Intrigued? Keep reading, I'll be announcing soon.

What is your dream? How long are you going to wait to make it happen? It no doubt takes courage but I know you are brave. The answer is always no, until you ask.

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud was more painful that it was to blossom."
-Anais Nin

God's country

2009-08-01T10:51:00.000-07:00

So, it's true, I live in the most beautiful place in the world. Living on the island affords us the privilege of living in a small community in a sweet 1920's home with the ability to drive out to the west coast for a week of amazing camping, beaches and of course boogie boarding (I know that isn't the same as surfing, that's coming later when I hit Surf Sister in September). Wondering why I haven't posted for a while? This is where I've been....

summer Yum!

2009-07-23T19:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I decided to make a special dessert using all of our yummy summer fruit that is begging to be eaten. I also decided that involving the kids would give us all something nice to do together. My son loves to do the dishes, I realized yesterday this is a hugely undertapped resource in our house! I hate doing dishes.

Yummo!

releasing attachment

2009-07-22T22:11:00.000-07:00

I talk about releasing attachment to outcome all the time in my classes, in fact, it is the cornerstone of all that I teach. When we are attached to outcome, we miss the magic of the process, the purely transformative magic that happens when we see and experience each moment as it unfolds. For birth that means allowing ourselves to be fully in the moment, not doing labour math or worrying how hard it will be to push. Rather, being connected to the moment, to our babies and to ourselves. This is what birthing in awareness is all about.

But what about living in awareness? Or even better, parenting in awareness? As I move through each summer day with my children, I am faced each morning with the grand question..."What are we going to do today?" Are we going to have a quiet home day of playing in the garden, reading stories and painting? Or are we going to go on some kind of adventure? Whatever the activity for the day, it is often with the notion that my children will get something out of it, that they will feel like we spent a good time together and hopefully at the end of the day they will be tired and have had their need for one-on-one attention filled.

Some days this happens, some days it doesn't. Those days it doesn't it seems like I could have taken them on a space trip to the moon and still they arrive home unhappy, cranky, demanding my attention in all the wrong ways. They are upset. I am upset. Everyone is grouchy. I feel frustrated as though all that time I spent was for nothing. I also feel this way about cooking dinner when the reaction I get is "Ewwww, this looks disgusting" My cooking actually isn't all that bad, apparently my son just has a very discerning palate.

Anyway, what I realized tonight after yet another stressful bedtime was that maybe if I released my attachment to the outcome of the day, activity, whatever, with my kids and just enjoyed the moment, (even if it meant that later they would have a meltdown as though I had done nothing with them), I would be able to be present in the wonderful moment that I was in with them. Even if that moment was temporary. Well, I guess all moments are temporary, that's why they are called moments.

It really got me thinking, how often do we do things with or for our children with the hope and intention that it will result in something great. And when it doesn't, we feel let down, maybe even resentful. But if we were able to take the kids to the river (for example) just for taking them to the river, not for some desired outcome, we would feel a whole lot happier and maybe a little less frustrated. I guess this is what mindfulness is all about, have I unknowingly been practicing mindlessness? Is this a case of "those who can't do, teach"? No, I think we just all have to arrive on our own time.

Are you attached to outcome?

my new favorite movie

2009-07-17T14:16:00.000-07:00

This is my new favorite movie. Some have said it is a love letter to Canada. For me, it was an inspiring film about courage, finding oneself and breathing in life every moment that you have. In my past life I had a serious wanderlust and this past trip to California reminded me how alive I feel when I am traveling. I love, love, love this movie. Oh, and did I mention that I also love Joshua Jackson? Yep, he got me through a full year of early morning feedings with Liam, every day from 7-9am, I would watch Dawson's creek while I breastfed.

Go rent this movie.

two

2009-07-13T17:44:00.001-07:00

My daughter turned two yesterday. It was such a great day to celebrate her and her arrival in our family. It is also a day of reflection. A day to remember her birth, that excited entry into the world after a huge plate of guacamole and nachos. A birth that almost happened without our dear midwife (thankfully she got there in time), a birth that was so lovely, all four of us were tucked into bed and reading a book to her by 9:00pm. Her birth was a gift, as is she.

Happy Birthday love bug.

finding some grounding

2009-07-08T21:46:00.000-07:00

So, these past couple of days haven't been as wonderful as our boat float day at the beach or library day. Actually, they have been hell. My boy has been pushing every button there is, and when he is done with that, he seems to have invented some new ones. My daughter, who is now about to turn 2, is beginning to follow along with whatever her brother does.

It is official: I am outnumbered.

So after a ridiculous day that would put the Gong Show to shame and an only minor meltdown on my part, I left the house. No, not with the kids in it alone, they were with my husband. I went to a La Leche League meeting. For those of you that don't know much about La Leche League or perhaps have heard some rumours that they are just breastfeeding Nazis, I am here to set you straight. The local group here is amazing, the leaders, amazing, the support, well, amazing. It is the largest non-profit women's organization in the world. It is a group dedicated to the support of women and their children in their childbearing and mothering journey. The meetings focus on a topic every month and there is always time for women to bring forth their questions or concerns. In this supportive atmosphere, women are given mother-to-mother support. Honest, compassionate, non-judgmental support.

So tonight, after a day that should have been a joke on candid camera, I went to a meeting where I was met with understanding, camaraderie and wisdom. I feel more grounded and am reminded that like this tree, my roots are strong and although sometimes a gale comes and tries to knock me over, my branches are always reaching for the sun, doing the best they can each day. If you haven't been to a La Leche League meeting, consider going, you might be surprised what you find there.

Oh, and if you are wondering if I am still savouring the summer after all this, yes of course. I am still happy to be with my children and enjoy the break, but I realized tonight, that I just needed a break of my own, on my own. Maybe you do to?

a summer to savour

2009-07-06T21:05:00.000-07:00

Summer is fully upon us giving us many opportunities to do everything and nothing. The school year is full of events, drop off, pick up, parent meetings, class meeting, meetings about meetings. It seems like during the school year there is always something that needs doing that our front door often seems like a revolving one.

Now that we are on summer holidays (notice how I said "we" not my son), many people ask if I have the kids signed up for soccer camp, drumming camp, swimming lessons, art camp, day camp or anything out of the house camp. It is as though it is too challenging for us to simply slow down and savour summer for what it is, a break.

So this summer, I am thoroughly enjoying not having to be anywhere for anything or anyone. The children are not enrolled in daycare or any other form of group activity. Some days we get up and enjoy the garden outside, some days we go to the beach and sail boats and some days, like today, we go to the library and stock up on a great pile of books. And even though there have been moments where I long for my morning "off", I really enjoy the simplicity of not having a schedule. Sure, trying to have lunch with a friend and finish a sentence with two children with me is impossible but I know that there will soon come a day when these days feel like a dream.

It's such a cliche to say it all goes by so fast, but it really does and if I don't savour this moment, right now, right now and right now, I will regret it forever. Children are magic, how do you savour the summer with yours?

a sea of possibilities

2009-06-26T20:52:00.000-07:00

I've said it already, but this past trip to California was such a healing experience. June has been a REALLY hard month. Don't you ever find that when things go sour, they seem to make a trend of it? As though one rotten experience isn't enough, the universe needs to give you a few opportunities to really feel what it is to be in the ditch? I call this time being in the darkness.

We all go there at some point in our lives. Women in labour often go there, it is that place where they don't want to go on anymore, they want a way out or they think they may die. It is a dark place that we must go alone (even though those we love are all around us). But after that dark place, comes the light. The new emerging of the self, transformed. In terms of labour and birth, it is the emerging mother, a transformed woman.

June was my dark month. But while I was in California, I could feel a new emergence within myself. And as I was sitting at the Mother's Plunge Retreat listening to Karen, I knew that I was coming into the light, that a new possibility was waiting for me and all I had to do was say yes to it. It's funny, I was saying to my friend, that if this past month hadn't been so hard, so dark and ugly, then I wouldn't have been so raw and open to something new. Because when things are going really well, there is no need to create space for change, why would we? But when things are hard and we are wide open, then the magic can happen.

So, if you are in that dark place right now, open and raw, know that it is really a gift. Because this experience is preparing you for something even better than you could have imagined. There is a sea of possibility out there for all of us who are willing to say yes.

There is something wonderful on its way, something new I am creating and I can't wait to share it with you.

birth centre

2009-06-24T11:53:00.001-07:00

In the U.S. women have an option that we don't have here in B.C, the Birth Centre. This is a wonderful option for women who would like a home birth type setting without being in their home. All of the women in the care of this midwife have their exams and meetings at the centre. The intention behind this is when a woman goes into labour, this is a familiar, safe place to be for them, allowing them to let go and birth with less anxiety. My good friend works in this birth centre in Ventura California, offering classes as well as taking care of the bookkeeping. I had the privilege of taking some photos of this amazing space, one of them with my friend standing next to the bed where she gave birth to both of her children. The midwife who runs this centre also offers well-woman care here, right on this bed. No stirrups in sight!

Sunrise Birth Centre

healing

2009-06-23T19:39:00.000-07:00

I know my last post was pretty heavy. It was a heavy time. Since then I have gone and returned from the land of the avocados. If you have been reading for a while you will know that I have the best husband EVER! For mother's day he bought me a ticket to see my dearest friend Laurel in Ventura California so that we could both go to the Mother's Plunge retreat with Karen Mazen Miller.

I have traveled many times before, but this time was something else. It was not only an amazing place and unbelievably beautiful, it was also a healing place to be. I was given the privilege to step out of my life for a few days and really nurture myself. We talked about everything as good friends do and went to lots of great places. But the best thing about this trip, what made it so amazing, so healing, was to be with someone who is truly phenomenal, someone who inspires me to the core. Coming home from California I feel like a new person, I have a new clarity for my life and a new peace. Thank you Stefan for sending me on this journey and thank you Laurel for being brave to just be you.

There is so much to tell from this trip, I'll post more tomorrow.

P.S. This is a picture of an avocado from Laurel's tree in her back yard, it was dripping with them. I can't believe I am paying $2.00 each for them here! They were amazing.

what is there to say?

2009-06-16T13:39:00.000-07:00

What do you say when there is nothing to say? How do you find words when nothing in our language can express how you feel? How do you process the experience of holding a mother as her child goes with the angels right in front of you? How do you witness your partner go through the stages of grief as he wonders if there was anything else he could have done, knowing that he did everything he could? How do you take a breath as you tell you child that his friend has gone with the angels as he responds, "I want my friend to come back."

There is no making sense of the insane. That moment when you know that nothing is in our control and that being present is all we can do. It is in this moment as we experience our own grief and trauma and witness and support those who have lost a son, that we know there really is nothing to say, except, I love you.

a midwife's window

2009-06-10T14:25:00.000-07:00

If you have been reading my blog for a while you will know that my great grandmother was a midwife in the 30's and had a birth house in Ladner BC. I'm not sure what it is beyond the obvious that is compelling me to dig deeper into her life, but for whatever reason, I am consumed by her story.

So, this past weekend I went to Vancouver and my mum and I went to her home. It is still standing and is now a health food store. Through my mother's stories and my knowledge of midwifery at that time, we both began to put some of the pieces of my great grandmother's life together. There is so much to tell that I can't do it all in one post. So, as I unearth more and more of her life, I'm going to share her story, one post at a time. I have photos of her on my desk here that I will scan in so you can see what the face of a woman looks like in 1912 as she is about to immigrate to Canada with six children all on her own. I have photos of her pregnant standing outside of the log home that she helped to build in the Crows Nest Pass and more photos of her later in life as she stands outside her birth house smelling her roses that are still growing today.

But for now, this is a photo that I took of her home, of the window in the front room where women came on their own or under the advice their doctor to give birth in my great grandmother's house. There was no universal health care at that time and no tunnel to Vancouver. It was a long journey for women to get to the hospital, even if they could afford it. So my great grandmother, along with three other women in the community had birth houses where they would not only have their babies, but also stay on for the next 7-10 days in their early postpartum time. Breastfeeding was still the norm (although it began to change for privileged women later in the 1930's) and women like my great grandmother, after having 8 children of her own, would have been an expert in the subject.

Our stories as women are a part of history, a part of how we have shaped our world. Unfortunately those stories often get lost or forgotten and our children, our grandchildren never learn about how important we were to the fabric of the community of women and families. My great grandmother's stories are a part of who I am, they are a part of the lives of so many. And as I stood in her house, I knew that my work was just beginning as I looked through the window of a birth house.

hamster wheel no more

2009-06-03T11:28:00.000-07:00

I hit a wall last night. The kids wouldn't sleep, it was too hot. I had been with them all day and was really looking forward to sitting down on the couch and watching a movie. It took until 10:00pm to get the kids down, normally they go to bed at 7:00 and I really look forward to that time. As I was struggling to wait for the sleeping faeries to come for our little ones I began feeling resentful. I work all day long and once the kids are in bed, I work into the night as well. I wasn't getting a break and I knew in a few short hours that the little one would be up in the night...back at it again.

My day often consists of: dishes, laundry, groceries, emails, snacks, phone calls, picking up and dropping off at school, errands, emails, preparing for classes, following up on how families are doing, making meals, refereeing childhood squabbles, cleaning the house, writing on my blog or reading others, paying bills, did I mention emails? I am constantly juggling so many things in one given day and with my work, I don't set any limits. This is the challenge of the work at home mother, especially when your office is in the house, just off the kitchen. It is all too tempting to escape to my computer any chance I get. Often it is because I want to make sure that I am always available and sometimes it is just to escape to some kind of adult conversation or thought.

So as I was sitting on the couch last night, feeling like a truck ran over me, I had a moment of clarity. I need to set office hours. That's right. I'm going to be making a sign for my door so that I can see for myself, a reminder of when I should and should not be at the computer. A reminder that it is OK to just let the emails go for the rest of the day, a reminder to be present with my children, with the meals, with myself. If I don't do this, I think I will keep running on this hamster wheel of exhaustion which doesn't leave me the energy to do anything whole heartedly and I am going to return to that place of burn out that I am all too familiar with. It's hard for me to set boundaries like this, it will mean that I will have to sit with my children while they eat snack instead of using it as an excuse to run to the computer. This is my first step to finding balance as a stay at home/work at home mother. I'm starting to think an open/closed sign for the kitchen would be great too....

How do you create balance?

there is transformation at the centre

2009-05-30T21:16:00.000-07:00

This past Thursday I held a labyrinth walk at Damali Lavender Farm. It was an amazing evening of women gathering together to experience the metaphor for surrender as they walked the path. Everyone came with their own purpose, their own intention and were all amazed at what came out of the experience for them.

When talking about the labyrinth as a metaphor for our journey, a place of surrender and trust, I liken the arrival at the center as a place of transformation. Whether we are looking at it as a symbol of labour and birth or a new arrival in someones life, as we reach the center, we are transformed. On this very special spring evening, the women not only found a transformation within themselves, they also found a butterfly sitting at the center. What is a more vivid image of transformation that that of the caterpillar who goes into it's cocoon and emerges something beautiful with new abilities that it never had before? So much like becoming a mother....

labyrinth

2009-05-26T13:32:00.000-07:00

Labyrinths are ancient symbols and tools, some dating back as far as 7000 B.C. Some people walk them to meditate, some people use them as they pray, often someone will be seeking answers for something and through the quiet rhythm of walking the labyrinth, they may find answers within themselves.

In Birthing From Within classes, I use the labyrinth, or LabOrinth™ as a metaphor for labour, birth and postpartum. Unlike a maze where there are walls and dead ends, the labyrinth has a forgiving path. There is only one way in and one way out, allowing us to follow the path, trusting that it will lead us where we need to go. We are not required to figure things out, only to put one foot in front of the other. It allows us to turn off our mind chatter and be fully present.

As we walk the path of labour, we are always allowed to rest wherever we feel necessary. Some labyrinths will actually have benches on the path where people can take a break and meditate or just experience what they are feeling. In labour we are also given these benches. They may come in the form of a bath, a shower, change of music, nourishing food, even an epidural. We are given the grace to pause and do what is necessary to continue.

Once we reach the centre and give birth, we are again given the space to rest and pause. As we emerge from the transformation of birth, we slowly unwind and make our way out of the labyrinth. For many women this takes much longer than the 6 weeks we often hear about, for some it can take up to 3 years or more. This unwinding encompasses getting to know your baby, breastfeeding, adjusting to your new life, changing relationships, finding a new way to be in the world, negotiating sleepless nights, and so much more. As we emerge from the labyrinth we are transformed. We can see where we were going, and where we have come from and most importantly, where we are now.

On Thursday May 28, at 7:00 pm, I will be holding a labyrinth walk at Damali Lavender Farm in Cobble Hill. Anyone is welcome to come, whether you are pregnant, a new parent, or anyone who is on the threshold of a change in your life or simply looking for a space to meditate. You will have an opportunity to walk the labyrinth and connect to the path of surrender on your journey, whatever that is for you. This will be a beautiful and peaceful time and I look forward to seeing you there.

Cost: $5.00 (goes towards the upkeep of the labyrinth)

birth...undistrubed

2009-05-22T20:12:00.000-07:00

I found this video today that was created by a homebirth midwife in Oregon. It is a collection of families in her care that gave her permission to publish their photos. I often hesitate to post things like this, worried that I will send the message to anyone who is reading that I only support home birth. This absolutely is not true. The main component to my practice, both in my classes and in my doula care is supporting women in making choices that are right for them, including where they want to give birth . I truly believe that whether at home or in hospital, birth is an amazing, life changing, powerful moment in any woman's life, it is her right of passage and location doesn't change that.

For low risk women under the care of registered midwives, home birth has been shown to be a safe option for women and their babies. I want to share this video with you so for those who have never seen a home birth, you can have a glimpse of what it can look like.

Note: This video has some graphic images.

Grab a tissue....

what if....

2009-05-19T12:43:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those days when no matter how many cups of tea or coffee (pick your poison) you drink, you just can't seem to get it together? Those days when the dishes pile up, the laundry gets ignored, groceries stay at the store, the gas tank runs low, emails seem too much to answer, work seems impossible and the notion of being able to put together a complete, intelligent thought sounds like an insurmountable task? Those days where you wish you could just sit down and watch TV for a few hours and forget all that looms over you?

I am having one of those days. It is 12: 50pm and my major accomplishment of the day was running the dishwasher. I have so much to do and so little energy to do it. So as I sit here, I am wondering, what would it be like to just give myself permission to not roast the chicken for dinner, make the cookies, finish the laundry. What would it feel like to just sit down quietly while the baby naps and rest myself? Could I turn off my mind, ignore my need to always be productive, to somehow prove that I did something with myself for the day? Could I just be? And if I let myself do that, could I then muster up some energy to finish the day?

What if we all gave ourselves permission to just embrace how we are feeling instead of trying to run away from it? Our value is not determined by how clean our homes are, how quickly the laundry gets folded, or how lovely of a dinner we make. We are valuable just as we are. If we actually stopped to fill up our own tank, either with a nap, a book, a conversation with a friend or even with a little TV, we might not be sputtering through the day like a car about to die on the road. Children are masters at pausing, they often are able to stop and take stock of what is around them and what they are feeling and if we don't listen, they meltdown until we do. What if we could pause on this path of motherhood, before we had a meltdown? If you could take a break on the path, what would you do?

our voices

2009-05-13T13:40:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about our voice as mothers, as women. How often have our mothers', our grandmothers', our great grandmothers' stories been lost? Do you even know the name of your great grandmother? Do you know what her life was like? How she navigated her way through a time and a life that had little luxury? My great-great-grandmother had 18 children and lived on a farm in Wales. Beyond that, I don't know much. My great grandmother Elizabeth moved to Canada from Belgium, lost her husband in the coal mines of Crowsnest Pass, moved to Ladner where her son built her home and opened a birth house. She was a midwife. Beyond that....I'm still searching.

When I first started my blog I didn't want to tell anyone about it. I wasn't sure if my writing was any good, if anyone would read it, or if I could keep it up. But, as someone who never liked to write "Dear Diary...", I took the plunge and started it anyway. Now 10 months later, I Love It. I love having a space to write from the heart, to be honest, and share what inspires me, what makes me laugh or where my journey takes me as a mother.

I have now started delving into other women's blogs and what I am finding is amazing. Has there ever been a time in history when women had such a public venue and audience to express themselves in such great numbers? The community of women out there writing about their lives inspires me. And the best part is, you don't need to wait until a book publisher decides you are good enough to write, you can just jump in. What's the worst that can happen? No one will read your blog? But in the end, does it really matter? This is a place for our voices and if for nothing else, it is an empowering thing to be a part of, even if it just for ourselves. For the first time in history, women all over the world are recording their stories. We are creating our own windows into our lives. Wouldn't it be amazing if you could read your great-great-grandmother's stories about her everyday life?

I encourage you to be brave, jump in and write something. Our stories as women, as mothers, are so valuable; you deserve a space to share, your story deserves to be heard. I write for myself, for my children, and for the community that brings us all together.

best mother's day present EVER!

2009-05-11T21:11:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought I was working at a thankless job (motherhood can feel like that sometimes), my husband gives me the best gift EVER....a retreat for mothers in California with Karen Mazen Miller, amazing author of Momma Zen and a true inspiration to me. So, not only do I get to go to California for a remarkable retreat, I also get to visit my very dear friend who I haven't seen in 4 years....and I get to go on my own! Thank you Stefan!

motherhood is a journey

2009-05-08T13:08:00.000-07:00

The moment we become pregnant our lives change forever. What was once a life all about ourselves, suddenly becomes about someone else. We think twice about that second cup of coffee, swear off sushi and walk with the knowledge that we are nurturing the life of a little soul.

Once that first contraction comes, we stand at the gate of labour and realize that we are now entering a new journey, one that is both unknown and one that we know will change us forever.

In my classes I talk a lot about birth as a labyrinth. Unlike a maze, labyrinths don't need to be figured out. They have one path in and one path out. We can walk them with a quiet mind, letting our thinking mind go. As we allow our feet to take the twists and turns, we know that all we must do is trust the path in front of us. We are always allowed to take a rest, even in the midst of the path until we are ready to continue. Once in the centre (which represents the birth) we pause and look back at where we have come from.

The journey out of the labyrinth represents the postpartum time. Unlike in our culture that says after 6 weeks you will be fine to continue life as usual, the labyrinth acknowledges the time it takes to unwind. Everything from getting to know your baby, breastfeeding, negotiating sleepless nights, changing relationships and so much more. Many women find it takes about 2-3 years to fully exit that labyrinth, certainly a substantial journey, one full of surprises, challenges and awakenings.

Motherhood is a journey, something that continues through the rest of our lives. We all experience it differently, however we all share a common thread. It is challenging, amazing, wonderful, tiring and asks us to surrender on a daily basis, always being willing to release attachment to our ideas of "what should be" to "what can be." Just like the journey of the hero (think any epic story-Lord of the Rings for example) motherhood takes ordinary people with extraordinary ability and transforms us into something so unexpected. So whether you are standing at that gate getting ready to step through it, or you are in the labyrinth making your way out, remember to be gentle with yourself and know that you must do nothing but trust your inner wisdom and follow the path before you. This is your journey.

mothering the mother

2009-04-29T13:38:00.000-07:00

Mothers are so many things. Teachers, nurses, accountants, chefs, house cleaners, negotiators, interpreters, lovers, managers, the list goes on.....

We give so much in so many places every day, a Harvard Study showed that a stay at home mother does the equivalent of 2 full time jobs. What if you are also a work at home/stay at home mother? That means 3 full time jobs! I love my children, I love that I am home with them and can go for a hike up the mountain in the afternoon, or at home to care for them when they are sick. I feel so lucky to be able to have this opportunity.

I also love my work. I love supporting expecting and new families. What I do here with doula care, my classes, breastfeeding support is a passion for me. I follow a tradition of women in my family that have been supporting birthing families for a very long time.

But what happens when you want to be in two places at the same time? How do you give 100% to two different things? And at the end of the day after you have fed, bathed, cleaned, shopped, prepared, sent emails, worked....where is there time for us? We stretch ourselves so thin sometimes that it seems a luxury to have a shower on our own. Don't you ever wish for your mum to come and take care of you? Do your laundry, make you dinner, give you the space to go for a walk on your own? Maybe even take you out for lunch?

New mothers, experienced mothers, any mother, needs to be mothered just as she does for others. She needs compassion, a listening ear, an encouraging voice, a loving hug, a good meal on the table, clean underwear in her drawer, she needs someone to believe in her, to let her know that she is remarkable and so very loved. She needs to be reminded that she is valuable to the family. She needs time to draw or play in the garden, a nurturing environment, fun music to listen to. She needs to be held with compassion and forgiveness and have the space to blossom into her most amazing self.

Don't we do all of these things for our own children? We deserve it too.

Mother's day is on it's way....maybe it's a day for more than just flowers and pancakes.

ah...the good old days

2009-04-27T22:11:00.000-07:00

It's been a long day with the kids and I needed a laugh. This ad is from 1961.

homebirth is so normal...

2009-04-23T10:57:00.000-07:00

.....that in Spain it is used to sell mattresses! Well actually in Spain homebirth is not really the norm. It is still a country that medicalizes birth and encourages women to birth in the hospital under the care of a doctor. However, this video sure got me thinking, what a great way to normalize birth, there is no screaming, no panic, no fear. Homebirth doesn't always look like this, but in my experience, this image of birth certainly can happen. What would it look like in this country if we advertised birth this way? What would it mean to remove the fear and replace it with confidence? And if sex really sells, and birth is a sexual experience, then I wonder how this ad has affected the sale of these mattresses?

being gentle with ourselves

2009-04-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

A very dear friend of mine called me last night crying from her van. After a difficult day at work, she found herself in tears, wondering why she couldn't get her life together, why was it so hard when others make it look so easy. As someone who is highly accomplished, competent and brilliant, life with three children ( 11 months, 3 and 4 1/2), living in a new community away from family and trying to find some ground to stand on was just becoming too much. So last night she allowed herself to crumble.

It got me to thinking about our unrealistic expectations of ourselves as mothers. After the first wave of feminism, we were free to "have it all." We could have a career, have a family and a sex life and do it all with style. As young girls growing up, we learn that the whole world is there for us, all we have to do is reach out and grab it.

While I am so happy that I don't have to be shackled to the stove bare foot and pregnant, I often question this idea of us being "Super Moms" or worse "Yummy Mummy." Is it really possible to give 100% to our families, work and ourselves? What is realistic for us to expect of ourselves? And who are we trying to impress? Ourselves, each other?

My friend said to me last night, "I'm accomplished in so many places in my life, and now I can't even get my laundry folded, what is wrong with me?" My heart went out to her because I have been in that same place myself, many times. The truth is, we are not meant to be mothering on our own. As a species we have evolved to live in tribes and care for each others young. We need the support of the whole community to make parenting work.

Somewhere along the line we put mothers in homes by themselves, removed their support systems and told them that they not only needed to keep the house clean, the children well behaved, the husband happy and content in all respects, we also could have a career and somehow keep it all in balance. Is this realistic or are we stretched too far? Do we need to be more open about what we give up, at least for a time, when we have our children? Is that bad? What does surrender really look like? How can we be gentle with ourselves and embrace What Is in the moment instead of looking to the past or expecting things in the future?

If the experience of pregnancy and birth transforms us, then why do we expect to remain the same?

Hmmm...so much to think about, I'll have more tomorrow.

mama's milk

2009-04-14T21:02:00.000-07:00

Did you know that babies have the instinct to crawl to the breast after birth and self latch? Would you like to know more about how your body makes milk for your baby? How does a tired mum negotiate sleepless nights with a breastfed baby? Come and find out! I will be offering a FREE talk on Thursday night at 7:00pm at Izzy and Ollie'z in Lake Cowichan. Space is limited so come early and bring a friend. I hope to see you there!

newborn

2009-04-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

We often talk about the newborn baby, but how often do we celebrate the newborn mother? Did you know that in many places around the world, that after the birth of the baby it is the newborn mother that is given special treatment and celebrated? Some cultures support women staying quiet with their baby for the first 40 days as the mother is given daily massages, good healthy meals and is required to do nothing but rest and breastfeed. In other cultures, after the baby is 1 month old, the mother is celebrated within the village with music, food and dancing. Her passage into motherhood is something to reveer and respect. In our culture, we often focus only on the baby, which is certainly a miracle and something to celebrate! But in this process, we forget to honour the journey the mother has just made, her right of passage.

Regardless of how birth unfolds, weather at home, in the hospital or by cesarean, birth is a transformative experience. This moment in a woman's life when she is asked to draw upon every ounce of strength and courage she has to birth her baby, changes a woman forever. It changes how we see the world around us, our purpose for being here and the strength that we didn't know we had. It can be a completely empowering experience that reminds us of how capable and strong we are and allows our hearts to grow to their full capacity. This is something to celebrate and honour!

I had the privilege to witness this beautiful baby's birth and support his mother and father in their birth experience. I am always amazed at how babies come into this world, how they find their way and how mothers know just what to do to bring them here. As a baby is born, so is a mother born. Even when it is not a mother's first baby, she is always born anew with each child. I remember saying to a friend after the birth of my daughter "I should know this stuff, I'm not a new mother." My friend said to me "ah, but you are a new mother to her!" In that moment I realized as I nursed my newborn baby, I also needed to care for myself as a newborn mother.

So the next time you are with a new mum, consider how you might celebrate her journey. It may be with a loving massage, or a good meal, or even just listening to her story as she shares her life changing experience with you. This delicate postpartum time can be so much more than duckie diapers and onsies, it can be a time of true celebration and honouring for both the mother and the father. It is a birth of the family.

good friends

2009-04-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

This past weekend two of our very dear friends with their adorable daughter came to stay with us. I love having these two come over, it is always so great to be with people that you can just relax with and not have to care how clean the house is.

This weekend however was no ordinary weekend, this was the weekend of The Date. Yes, that's right, my husband and I actually got to go out on a real date. We went for a really nice dinner to a place that had linen napkins, not paper ones that come out of a dispenser and there were no crayons or spilt drinks on the table! This was the genius idea of my good friend Windy. She and her partner stayed at our house and looked after our children while we went out. The next morning we stayed with their daughter while they went out on their first date since she was born.

People always ask me how you maintain a relationship after the birth of a baby. It's not always easy and for many people, like ourselves it takes a bit of creativity. But that is one of the wonderful things about being a parent, it gives you the opportunity to find new and creative ways of doing things and discovering how fantastic it can be to just sit down with your partner and enjoy a meal and some good, uninterrupted conversation with each other.

It also helps when you have really good friends to support you. Thank you Windy and Sacha!

taking a breath

2009-03-31T22:17:00.000-07:00

I haven't been doing much these past few days except for taking care of myself and my kids. It seems as though either one or all of us has been under the weather and it has reminded me of how important it is to just stop and take a breath. Last week my neck forced me to do that for the day when I turned the wrong way to get a shirt out of my son's drawer and all of a sudden I couldn't move. Then a few days later my son got sick and then I got the flu. Between the two of us our house became a tornado of undone dishes, ginger ale and colouring books.

This week is looking much better, but I am still taking it slow. It is so easy for me to work day and night, both with the kids, the house and my work, never taking time to stop and breathe, drink some water (it's remarkable how little I drink some days), finish a book or just lay down on the couch and ignore the dishes (that one is really hard for me to do). So, I finished The Birth House, which was amazing, I've taken some naps (albeit short ones) and I have a glass of water in front of me now. As much as getting sick is a huge wrench in my plans most of the time, sometimes being forced to slow down is a really good thing. Wouldn't it be great if we could take good care of ourselves all the time, not just when we are sick?

I love this picture because the day we went to the estuary (where this picture was taken), we left all of our chores behind to be together in the sun. It was self care for the whole family.

the new age of feminisim

2009-03-23T13:23:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I watched a very inspiring movie, Milk. If you haven't seen it yet, you need to. This is a story about Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man elected to office in the United States. It chronicles his struggles and triumphs and celebrates his passion for change.

In 1997 while I was working on my degree at SFU, I took a class that was all about birth politics. Everything from breastfeeding to midwives to episiotomies. It was in this class at the passionate age of 22 that I was first introduced to the other side of feminism, the one that looked at mothers and how they were treated and honoured in our culture, not just by the medical community, but the community as a whole. This was the beginning of the path that I now feel so privileged to walk.

After watching this film, I got to thinking about my own passions, how I am a part of the birth revolution, making a difference in the lives of not only women, but also in the lives of their children and their partners. I haven't inspired 30,000 people to march on city hall demanding better breastfeeding support, but with each client, each woman, I aim to make a difference. Sometimes it is in big noticeable ways and others are more subtle. However that looks, doesn't matter.

What does matter is that as a Women's Studies graduate, now 12 years later, I am a part of the new age of feminism. It's not a fight for equal pay or the right to work at any job we want, it is a cause that focuses on women and their passage into motherhood. It is a cause that is working tirelessly to preserve the birth experience as one which is respectful, trusting and honouring of women's innate wisdom to do what they need to do in labour, birth and as mothers. This new age of feminism is also supporting the whole family, honoring the baby's experience and supporting the birth partner in their transformation as well as their invaluable role as the guardian of the space.

All those years ago, sitting in that class at SFU, I never dreamed that I would be here. Living the dream, being a part of women's history and having the unbelievable privilege to work with birthing and postpartum families. I'm no Harvey Milk , but our passion for respect and a seat at the table is all the same. And people thought I couldn't do anything with a Women's Studies degree...Here I Am!

Photo courtesy of Tall Tree Photography

babies and cola?

2009-03-16T22:02:00.000-07:00

Talk about misinformation! This is not exactly our Gold Standard of today...I found this ad, I think it must be from the 50's? I couldn't believe this was actually printed..."How soon is too soon? Not soon enough. Laboratory tests over the last few years have proved that babies who start drinking soda during the early formative period have a much higher chance of gaining acceptance and "fitting in" during those awkward pre-teen and teen years. So, do yourself a favor. Do your child a favor. Start them on a strict regimen of soda and other sugary carbonated beverages right now. for a lifetime of guaranteed happiness."

I wonder who actually took this seriously?

Beautiful Birth Winner!

2009-03-12T19:21:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Brandy-Lee who won the Beautiful Birth gift basket! Thank you to all of you who entered to win, stay tuned for more great events and giveaways.

magic hands

2009-03-10T21:55:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my mum who gave me some money to put towards some self-care, I went for a massage tonight. I realized a couple of weeks ago that it was time to start taking better care of myself. There is a woman here locally, Kristin Lang of Belly Love, who I believe to have magic hands. There is something about having the opportunity to be able to be fully cared for, undivided, for an hour. No one expects anything from you, no one needs anything in return. This is a time for just you. What is even better is when that person caring for you is not only skilled in what they do, but also carries a beautiful energy with the work they are doing. I realized tonight how much I needed that massage and how now because of it, I truly feel like I can give back to my work and my family again. Thank you so much Kris!

the wisdom of babies

2009-03-08T14:27:00.000-07:00

I was at the Douglas College 14th annual breastfeeding education day this weekend. The main topic: Baby-led breastfeeding. It was such an interesting day, looking at how our babies are naturally born with the instinct to breastfeed. Many people don't know that babies are naturally born with the ability to self-latch. If given the opportunity to allow mum and baby to be skin to skin after birth and even beyond, babies will actually crawl, scoot or maneuver themselves to the breast, all on their own.

Now, I had learned this in my training years ago, but it was always taught as an exception, like winning the breastfeeding lottery if your baby could do it. What the speaker was saying is that all babies can do it if given the opportunity. The key...patience. So many times mothers and babies are hurried right after birth to latch. Although our intentions are positive, we want to see mum and baby doing well, in that moment when health care providers (doulas included) position baby, position mum and put baby to the breast, we are already telling mothers that they don't know what they are doing and neither do their babies. This is not setting a foundation of confidence for anyone.

The last birth I was at, instead of putting baby to the breast, I tucked mum and her newborn into bed while the midwife was suturing mum. Baby laid skin to skin with mum for about 30 minutes. During this time, baby bobbed around on her chest, moved and then self-latched. It was so beautiful to see this mum and her baby connecting without anyone interfering. Interestingly, this is only my second client that has not had any breastfeeding issues.

This weekend was such a good reminder to all of us supporting women and their families in birth, that nature knows what it is doing. If we can have the patience to allow it to unfold, then we can see the miracle of the mother/baby connection and the ancient wisdom that we all have within us that reveals itself in the birth process. Mothers and their babies are so wise. Inspiring.

birth community

2009-03-02T19:32:00.000-08:00

This past weekend Beautiful Birth had its own booth at the Vancouver Island Baby Fair in Nanaimo. It was a fantastic weekend and a great success. It was so great to meet so many families, mums who were expecting their first child and some who already had four children!

One of the best parts of this weekend was having the opportunity to feel a part of the birth community. My very dear friend and amazing Midwife was there from Plum Midwifery with her husband and 6 week old baby. The Nanaimo Mother and Baby Society was also there along with Natural Creation who not only make really wonderful aromatherapy products but are also doulas themselves. And then there were my two amazing friends and collegues, Kris Lang from Belly Love and Tina Hamill from La Ronde family childcare. We all work together as doulas as well as in the community and they offered their time to come and help throughout the weekend. The whole event was a great success and thanks to Devon at Tall Tree Photography, I was able to use photos that she had taken of my past clients, thanks Dev! This whole experience was so great, I can't wait to attend the next one.

the birth house

2009-02-26T13:12:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine gave me a book called "The Birth House" to read. The birth community has been buzzing about it for a while now, I was a bit slow to catch on, until now. It's a brilliant read, good right from the first sentence. It's about a midwife and her apprentice during the first World War in Nova Scotia. This was a time where the medical community was beginning to take over births and move them from home to hospital, undermining a midwifes knowledge and skills and promoting safer births in the care of physicians. There is so much to this book and what it sparks in me.

My great grandmother, Ameilia immegrated here from Belguim at the turn of the last centry. They first settled in the Crows Nest Pass and then moved to Ladner BC where they built a home next to the slough. This home was no ordinary home, my great grandmother was a midwife and her home was a birth house. This was a place where women would come and give birth to their babies with Amelia's skilled help.

Once I began reading this book, something ignited in me, a forceful connection to my ancestors and my own personal work in the birth community. My great grandmothers house is now a health food store, it has been that way for the past 35 years. Between reading this amazing book and looking deeper into our family history, I am going to make this a blog series. Next weekend I am going to Vancouver to attend a breastfeeding conference, but before I do, I am going back to our family's birth house. It feels as though there is so much to unearth.....

2009-02-22T20:36:00.000-08:00

Well, the Vancouver Island Baby Fair is less than a week away and I am getting really excited. This Wednesday at 8:50am on A-Channel I am going to be interviewed about doula care, the fair and the main stage talks I will be giving both on Saturday and Sunday. I hope you will tune in and tell your friends!

2009-02-19T13:05:00.000-08:00

There is nothing harder in the world than when our children are sick. We as mothers can feel so helpless, unable to do anything when the illness seems to be taking over their little bodies. The past 72 hours have been spent back and forth from the hospital. Our littlest one spiked a high fever and went flat. A day in emergency showed why. Pneumonia. How that happened, I have no idea. One day it's a runny nose, then a cough, then a fever so high she can hardly breathe.

As I sat with her all day yesterday in the hospital, cradling her hot, limp, body I felt so grateful for so many things. One, that I live in a country where I don't have to worry if I can afford the chest x-ray or not and we had an amazing doctor.

Two: for my sling. This is I think one of the best slings on the market. It may not be fancy, it may look plain, but at 19 months, this sling provided the most amazing cocoon for her. She snuggled up into it and I brought it around her and she slept in my arms. It was her safe haven, not even a hospital blanket would give her. It also gave me a way to hold her for hours without my arms falling off.

Three: she is still breastfeeding. So many people may say that babies at her age no longer need the nutrition of breast milk, that it is all for comfort. It's true that they comfort themselves at the breast, a wonderful thing. But the immune supportive nutrients that are carried in breast milk are one of the most powerful medicines there are. In fact, in Vancouver at Children's Hospital, they use banked mothers milk to treat children of any age for many different illnesses, it is that powerful.

And Four: Some how, deep within me I found the strength to be there for my little one without falling to pieces. My husband was in Vancouver, fortuatly my son was in childcare for that one day a week and I was on my own. Well, actually I don't really think I was on my own. There were angels or something there with us, something that helped me to keep it together, even when she was screaming in terror from having to be held down to have her blood drawn. I fell to peices after she went to bed that night.

Mothers are amazing people. We are creative, resourceful, capable and have such a capacity to love. We are given this awesome resposibilty to be guardians and yet are never alone, even when it may look like it. Moments like this really ask us to go deep within ourselves and draw upon our courage and strength, something that we all have.

winner!

2009-02-14T19:21:00.000-08:00

Thank you to everyone who entered the contest and commented on my blog! I'm happy to announce that the the lucky winner is..... Marci! It was an lucky draw, done by my son (with our supervision, it doesn't really matter, he can't read anyway). It's going to be a great baby fair, I hope to see you there! Oh, and Happy Valentines day everyone!

transformed

2009-02-12T20:32:00.000-08:00

I went to visit a very dear friend of mine yesterday who now has a four week old son. She had this amazing look about her, something that at the time, I couldn't seem to find the word for. She looked beautiful, radiant and some how different. The word I realized later to describe her was Transformed.

I have had the privilege of knowing this amazing woman as a colleague, a friend, a care provider, seeing her marry her amazing husband and now as a mother. This transformation that she has undergone is something so beautiful, something to be truly celebrated. It is something that happens to every woman when she crosses the threshold of labour and is born as a mother. It is that glow that comes from going into the deepest, darkest depths of labour and coming out on the other side, full of light and love.

I love this picture, the look on her face as she looks upon a child that she had no idea she could love that much. This amazing smile that she has of accomplishment, gratitude and peace. That's what experiencing birth as a rite of passage is all about; seeing how hard it is, how it challenges all you thought you knew about giving birth, allowing it to bring you to a raw and beautiful place, to a place of transformation.

homework

2009-02-09T21:29:00.000-08:00

So, I know that kids are supposed to get homework and parents are supposed to reminisce about the days when it was once them who were trying to finish their assignments on a Sunday night. Not in our case. In my son's school there is no homework (well, he's only in kindergarten), but for the parents however, we are given assignments on a regular basis.

The current assignment...sew clothes for "the little ones." These are little faceless dolls that the fairy mother is bringing to the children each day. She leaves them outside her door (a spot under a big old tree) and each child gets one of their very own. The other day my son comes home from school and says, "mummy, I still haven't gotten a little one yet" as my heart started pounding like the time I came to school and forgot to do my math, I remembered that the "little one" was still naked in my office waiting for clothes. The thing about this whole thing is that the children are not supposed to know under any circumstances that the parents are actually making them. It was was handed to me incognito, top secret! Notice the picture of the fancy sushi I was eating in Vancouver when I should have been doing my homework...oops.

So, tonight I decided that since I get to do most of the homework for school, I'd let my husband, who boasts that he got an A in grade 8 sewing to take on the task. Hmmmm....what is that saying? "Pride cometh before the fall"?? Yep, here he is, love of my life, struggling to make a disco pant suit for the little one. There is not enough embroidery thread (which he still can't figure out why he can't just use a sewing machine), the velour is too slippery so the front of the leg is longer than the back and the idea of a back stich has got him baffled (we both had to look it up on Wikipedia). Who knew that early childhood education was going to involve a crash course in hand work. It sure makes for some good laughs though!

Contest!

2009-02-05T20:09:00.000-08:00

Well, the baby fair is fast approaching and I am really excited about this event and to be part of it. It is going to be in Nanaimo February 28- March 1st and there will be lots of great exhibitors, baby photo contests and Main Stage talks, which I will be doing two of (more about that later). So I have in my hand two weekend passes that I'm giving away! All you have to do is make a comment on my blog to enter to win. Contest starts Friday February 6, 2009 at 9:00am and ends Friday February 13 at 9:00pm. We'll draw names and announce the lucky winners. Good Luck and thanks for reading!

inspired

2009-02-04T18:55:00.001-08:00

I recently went to a talk on toys and play spaces for the young child. We learned so much that night which I will share in a later post. But one of the things that I really took home with me was how inspired our young children are by our work. To them it isn't a chore, it isn't something to grumble about because we think someone else should be doing it, it is new, interactive and fun. I surrendered to this idea a couple of weeks ago and started to find the joy in my daily work around the house. Don't get me wrong, I haven't gotten myself a set of pearls, fancy dress and high heels to prance around the house in, but I have started to look at my work here as something that can be positive.

Many people will say that children reflect back to us what they live. On this day, my daughter picked up the broom and decided to clean up the kitchen. She had such a great time, even though she really just spread the dirt around more. It was so amazing to see her have joy in something that in the past I complain about doing. It is a reminder that life is right now, right now, and right now. It is not just in the summer for my two week vacation, doing things that I love to do. The beauty of life is in each day, each hour, each moment, even when I'm sweeping the floor with my daughter.

****Just a note: I'm not a 1950's housewife. My husband does his fair share too around the house. We both agree it's important for our children to see each of us doing the house work, which means I get out in the garden and prune trees that I can't really reach too.

five

2009-01-27T21:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my son's fifth birthday. It was such a great day, well actually a weekend. We decided to forgo the usual birthday party and have a special day just for him in Victoria. It was a day where he decided what we did and where we went for lunch. So he picked the Victoria Bug Zoo, a balloon and ReBar for lunch my favorite place to eat, the Curious George sandwich is his favorite.

We had a great day of yummy food, Elvis look a likes (that's my husband, my daughter pointed up at the Elvis picture and said "da da" we got a good laugh out of that one) huge bugs and a blue balloon that may still be on the Munroe's ceiling.

Sunday was spent with Grandma, more balloons and lots of fun. And yesterday, his actual birthday we had a pancake breakfast, presents another fun day with Grandma (I did a breastfeeding home visit), birthday soup, the boy's favorite supper and cupcakes, with candles of course.

Although it is a time and day to celebrate my son's birth, it also feels like a time to reflect on my own birth, my birth as a mother. It was five years ago that I was born into this new life, this new identity that would change me forever. His birth began a shift in my consciousness in a way that I never expected. We often forget to acknowledge and celebrate this birth, the one each of us experience when we become parents. I always say, when a child is born so is a mother and father. I didn't make myself a cake or buy myself presents, but I did take some time to reflect on what it has been like being a mum for the past five years and how I am so happy that he chose me.

beautiful babies

2009-01-18T21:55:00.001-08:00

Yesterday we had a reunion with the mums and dads from my September Birthing From Within class. It was so amazing to see these little ones that were all present during the class, they just hadn't been born yet. We had such a great time seeing each other again, sharing birth stories, talking about what it is like to be parents now and all of the changes that brings. It's always amazing to me what courage it takes to birth a baby, in whatever way that birth happens and the willingness to be open to each new day and all the challenges it brings with being a parent. One of the mums wasn't able to attend and she was deeply missed (we are all sending you are love). These were all such beautiful babies and such beautiful mums and dads. I love my work!

If you're wondering where the dads are in this picture, they opted to stay out and have it be a picture with me and the mums and babies.

a life of choice

2009-01-15T14:17:00.000-08:00

I've been a stay at home mum for almost 5 years now. It is a career that has brought many surprises, many joys, and many many long sleepless hours and challenges. Up until last weekend, I have been deep in my suffering mind. I have been feeling like "I been wronged" (insert southern accent here). I have felt like everything has been done to me, the dishes, laundry, dinner, somehow I've been living this victim role as a mum.

Then last weekend, my husband said "why can't you just be happy?" I didn't take this so well. Being a mum, stay at home or not, is a full time job that never ends. Most people don't live at their workplace, but us mums do. Sometimes it can feel like you are on a hamster wheel of dishes, dinner, laundry, groceries, crying kids and so on, you run all the time and get no where. You do the dishes and make dinner only for it to be a mess a few hours later, there is little satisfaction in that for me. Until now.

As much as I resented him saying that at the time, I thought about it, why can't I just be happy? I have two great kids, a great house, a fantastic husband and a career outside of our home that I am not only passionate about, I love my work. What was holding me back from seeing all this?

It's choice. I realized that I've been making the choice to suffer in my mind. When the reality is my life is not so bad. I create my own days, I pick what we get to do most of the time, I can sit at the table and work on my crafts as my daughter builds towers with her crayons, I can pick up my son from school and make terrariums after rest time, I get to be a part of my kids lives in a really special way, it's a gift.

So, I've decided to choose to be happy in my work as a mum. It's not easy and I still wish my husband would do the dishes more consistently, but I'm lucky. This week, I've taken the time to be with my kids, to choose happiness, and the result? My kids have been happier too.